I wasn't saying you were a bad person, I just know what it can be like to have huge mood swings.
I was depressed for years and I kept saying that I wished I was dead, but I never thought I would go through with it then last year I did try to kill myself and no one saw it coming, least of all me.
I just don't want to see anyone else go through what I went through because I know what it was like. I was not judging you.
Sorry if I miss understood your post.
I will be praying for you, hang in there.