Possessed nailed it on the head. The economy is rough, so it can be hard to get a job, but things have improved drastically. A job does wonders for one's self esteem.

Also, perhaps you are having difficulty because you are not as marketable as would be ideal. Do you have a degree? If so, what in? What education opportunities do you have? If you don't have a degree, have you applied for federal aid, which, by the sound of things, you would certainly get? Keep your options open. Suicide is the biggest option-closer.

And believe me, in spite of your faults, you are not the worst person alive. You know this is untrue. You have flaws, but so does everyone else. Keep getting professional help. Do you have Medicaid in your state? There are innumerable behavioral health benefits for those who are in the financial straits you have suggested. You have options now. Open every door you can. Carpe diem!