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Post #747589

Author
nic777
Parent topic
The Star Wars Prequels rewritten - Rise Of The Dark Lord
Link to post in topic
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/747589/action/topic#747589
Date created
18-Jan-2015, 5:46 PM

Wannabe Scholar said:

The story is good. You show Anakin's fall well, dealing with the conflict between him and Obi-Wan as well as his and Padme's relationship. 

However, there a concept I was not too sure about. First, Padme giving birth and her death: Luke and Leia being surgically removed from Padme was interesting take, but I thought Padme would survive, go into hiding, and die some years later while taking care of Leia (because Leia talks about her in Return of the Jedi).

Besides that, there is one other thing: Show Bail Organa in the story. Since he's referenced in Leia's message, showing Bail with Obi-Wan would give a nice introduction. We can get a good understanding of his character and show him forming the Rebel Alliance from the former Separists worlds taken in by the Republic.

Other than that, there's nothing else I can say. It is an interesting idea and I can't wait to see the finale.

 thanx for reading and the critique. I really hadn't considered Padme surviving altho I did write an alternative story where the kids are 2 year old toddlers that included a scene where the little girl sees her mother in the way Leia described. Here are excerpts of the alternate version:

PLANET ONARISS- OPEN ON ANAKIN, HIS PADAWAN AND OBI-WAN FIGHTING ON THE STREETS OF MINING OF THE PLANET. This is serious and not nearly as jokey and light as the opening battle scene in Episode 3 was. They fight their way to the capital. Obi-Wan and Anakin split up and Master Jedi Anakin Skywalker and his Padawan lead a unit of Clone soldiers to take their objective. Now we're in urban warfare and Anakin's team  are engaging the local militia whose working with the droid army, they're barricaded behind the blast door of the capital building. The fighting is intense at the door and from the inside we see the door explode and the clone troopers storm in followed by Anakin who walks over the littered bodies. With both hands he grabs a surviving militia soldier and holds him up in the air by his collar. In the background we see a shocked look on his Padawan face. EXTREME CLOSE UP of Anakin's  eyes, the right green, the left blue, as he demands to know where the person in charge is. CUT TO...

NABOO - EXTREME CLOSE UP OF THE EYES OF A 2 YEAR OLD BLONDE BOY.  The right green, the left blue. We pull back and see the child is playing with a rag doll. Not too far from him is a dark haired little girl the same age, she looks like a smaller, chubbier version of her mother. She's playing with blocks. In walks Padme with Korin and theyre talking about the civil war and how its affected their planet. Padme's husband, Prince Blaan Dorhaan, contacts her by hologram and they talk about his political business including attending an award ceremony for Anakin Skywalker's heroics in battle on several occasions and that the Prince should be back soon. The way they talk to each other is cordial but its clear she's not in love with him. In fact in signing off he says I love you and she responds matter of factly, "I know". WIPE TO...

__________

PADME, KORIN AND THE CHILDREN AT THE SPACE PORT. With a contingent of security standing by, Padme kisses her children bye and says that she will meet them on Ziaa in a couple days with their father. Both children give her big hugs and she tells them to mind their nanny. She hugs Korin and tells her that she'll be along directly once she gets a plan into action about retaking Naboo. The kids wave bye at thier mother from the ship's window as it takes off flanked by escort ships. Close up of the little girl waving at her mother as they take off from the landing pad. POV from Tian looking at Padme getting smaller in the distance. The Queen looks very beautiful, kind but sad. WIPE TO...

___________

SEPARATIST WAR SHIP PARKED NEAR A MOON OF PLANET ZIAA. A younger looking Moff Tarkin is on this ship thats shaped like a cigar. The front end housing a number of laser nodes. This is the prototype to the superlaser seen on the Death Star. A small fleet of Ziaan ships are moving in to intercept the battleship and are met by droid fighters. While thats happening the ship's crew is preparing to fire the super laser. Tarkin has Dooku on hologram prepared to relay the results. They fire the laser and a roiling wave of destruction consumes the surface of Ziaa but the planet itself is not totally obliterated. But all life on planet Ziaa is destroyed. CUT TO:

*Yoda, alone meditating in his chambers, suddenly startled, sensing some huge disturbance in the force.

*Obi-Wan and Mace Windu at the Assembly Hall overseeing the investigation. They both look at each other startled in a "did you feel that?" manner  as well.

*The Jedi Knight bodyguard traveling in hyperspace with Padme's children, senses some huge disturbance in the force as well. In the background we see Tian and Quin asleep in their seats, Korin is seated between them reading a tablet. The little boy suddenly cries out in his sleep and Korin rubs his chest to soothe him.

*Anakin, in one of the living quarters near Palpatine's office, senses a huge disturbance and shudders.

*Palpatine in the middle of reading a report suddenly looking up, feeling the disturbance and smiling broadly.

CUT TO Moff Tarkin reporting the results of the devastation in an almost disappointed fashion and Dooku says to keep working at it. WIPE TO...

Their original names were Quin and Tian and those would have been changed to Luke and Leia once they were adopted by the Lars and Organas. But the plothole I ran into was that if the kids were born and grew to toddlers as kids of a popular princess they would be well known almost galaxy wide..certainly known to anakin. And since the oraganas are well known he would have recognized Leia long before any revelation about Luke. It would be like Kate Middleton's kid being adopted by royalty in Denmark or something like that..we'd all know who that kid was. 

But the Organas will play heavily in the final part Revenge Of The Sith..rest assured.