Ouch, TK. I'm sorry to hear that. My situation is not that heartbreaking, my condolences.
I will put answers to the questions in the post.
Post Praetorian said:
Though words are hollow comforts, they are all I can offer. Please understand that though I do not claim to have lived your life I have some true understanding of the type of pain and struggles you are experiencing.
I have some questions in case you would like to expand on your post. Answer the ones with which you are comfortable. You can PM if you'd prefer or ignore me completely; I am not here to burden you further.
How long ago did you begin drinking and at what age? About 7 years ago at age 15.
What is your drug of choice? When did you start taking it? Marijuana also at age 15, which is why I said it depends on who you ask because some would not call that being a drug addict. It's not the drug that I'm concerned with, I know it isn't going to overdose or kill me, it's just the addiction, and how I must have it to be able to relax or go out or do anything really.
When did you last see your mother? Why were you separated? I'm not sure when I last saw her, and as far as I can tell we were separated because she had some sort of mental breakdown. She up and left my dad and me and her whole family. She just disappeared from everybody. She gave my dad no explanation other than he hadn't done anything wrong, she won't talk to her own parents (which are the ones that are dying by the way), or her brothers and sisters, and she's simply mortified at the thought of ever seeing my dad again, which is another symptom of a mental breakdown seeing as, once again and by her own admittance, he did nothing wrong and didn't deserve this.
Do you live with or near your father? I live near him in a rented house by myself. I should really try to get some roommates or something so that I spend less time alone.
I am sorry that your grandparents are dying, but am very glad your father is a part of your life. It is so important to those of us with suicide as a constant, nagging, reminder of the easy way out that we remember the importance of our relationships and the devastation that our deaths can bring (just as you are unfortunately experiencing with your grandparents). We are all in this together and sometimes need to shift our burdens slightly in order to be able to persevere.
We are never really quite aware of how we influence the people around us. I hope it is of some comfort to you that your post has given me the impetus to live through yet one more day knowing that I have another companion on this road.
Regards,
Praetorian