Possessed said:
I feel like I'm developing personal problems of an alcohol/drug related nature. It hasn't caused any problems of a "concrete" nature, like no job loss or anything like that. And I don't do any hard drugs and I don't get shitfaced drunk. But I'm always drinking and I always have a joint or something similar going except when I'm actually at work. And while the weed itself might not be all that horrible for me, I feel like the frequency of consumption is damaging me mentally. And the same with drinking. I'm never "drunk" but I'm always buzzed. Every day, the MOMENT I wake up, which is a nightmare in and of itself (not necessarily hung over, just totally windblown and lifeless feeling), the moment I open my eyes and get out of bed I immediately smoke some weed, and I mean immediately. Then I drink a couple beers then smoke some more. I go about my day, and literally only an hour or so later I'll be smoking again. Whenever I go in to work, I smoke and have a beer right before I go in. On my 15 minute break I smoke. On my lunch break I smoke and drink some more. On my last 15 minute, you guessed it, I smoke. Then guess what I do after work? Drink and smoke. And record music and play guitar, which is positive enough but I am ALWAYS shitfaced when I'm doing it. I'm never coherent when I'm recording. I only drink 2 or 3 beers at a time, but I drink those 2 or 3 beers very constantly and every few hours or so. And I smoke weed constantly all day and am very stoned at all times, until I go to sleep. And I often wake in the middle of the night and smoke a little bit to go back to sleep. Mentally it's wearing me out, and I'm becoming very depressed and introverted. Physically I feel like I'm just running out of steam, out of energy. I don't feel tired exactly, just sortof rundown. I still care very much about other people's wellbeing and my friends, the problem is I'm getting to where I don't care at all about myself, only others.
I don't really know why I'm sharing this with you guys, I just wanted to vent a little bit. I'm not really sure what to do about it. Can you call a guy who never gets drunk bit is ALWAYS buzzed an alcoholic? Can you call a guy who never does drugs but is never NOT smoking weed a drug addict? I don't know the answers to that, but I can tell you this lifestyle is wearing me out and I'm losing steam.
Just venting. I know there isn't anything anyone here can say or do to help, so feel free to ignore it and bitch about something else. :P
Ouch.
I went through something like this with sleeping pills for a few months before I tried to kill myself, all I can say is do what I wish I had done, get help and get this stuff out of your house. Break free of this before it does become a big problem.
I'll be praying for you.