Well, in addition to all the depression issues I already have, plus my parents recent (one sided from my mom... as it turns out she's been having an affair for a long time and just now in the last month had the guts to come clean about it to the whole family. Which is the only time she's even spoken to the family in years, she finally breaks the silence to let us know shed been having an affair), and my grandfather's death soon to come from a terminal brain tumor, and his wife, my grandma's, soon death from MS which she's been pushing the life expectancy on for years, it has now come to my attention that somebody that I thought was one of my best friends was really just using me for sex.
Let me back up and tell this story.
I had started working this job over a year ago. At that time my parents separation was still very new and my grandpa had just been getting sick. So I was in a really vulnerable and weak place at that time. There was this lady who I worked with that was a sortof older lady, not old but middle aged. Middle aged in years, not in looks, she looked great. (this may seem like a weird detail to include, but it's important) Anyway we worked together alot, and we became good friends. Seemingly anyway. I ended up confiding in her about my parents and all the other stuff and she was very supportive and sweet and good about it. She started telling more about herself and we sortof bonded. At least it seemed that way. By about 6 months in we were kinda like best friends I guess you could say. (Keep in mind that I'm 20 years old and she's 51 but looks like she's about 30 or so... easily) She wasn't like a mother to me, but she was a little bit like a mentor. Well anyway, she was my best friend. I wasn't in love with her or anything, but she was my best friend. But one night she hit on me, and assured me that it would be okay and we were just two friends helping each other out. It was a red flag and I knew it was a bad idea. I knew we obviously had no future together given the age difference, but since I did care about her and she was good looking I decided to just give in. Because for another thing, she was important to me, and I was afraid shooting her down would have made her feel rejected and awkward to the point of not talking to me anymore. (not a good reason to have sex with somebody I know, but like I said it was a weak point in my life and I was lonely). We had it regularly for about a month. Then one day she just told me to back off and leave her alone. No explanation. She wouldn't talk to me anymore and she suddenly wasn't my friend. It wouldn't have been a big deal, but she had been my best friend for a long time, and all the sudden I had no best friend and she all the sudden didn't give a shit about me at all.
So, given the unsmooth nature of the break off, and her sudden, uncaring change of attitude, I have no choice but to assume she had just been using me the whole time to get me in bed. I know that kind of shit happens, but posing as my best friend for months before was a really dirtball thing to do I think. I don't think it was an accident that just happened, it seems deliberate now that I think back on it.
Fucking whore. Now I feel horrible and empty. Not of a broken heart, just an empty one. Like I said she'd been my (supposed) best friend for about a year and all the sudden she's not there and apparently never gave a shit.
What gets me is that she KNEW what I was going through and she did that anyway. Oh well I guess. Not the end of the world, but it really fucking sucks. It shows that it's the quality of friends you have, not the quantity. In high school I was the popular type, and it got me nothing but a bunch of meaningless aquaintencships. And this bit me in the ass because when I thought I finially had something real I was so glad that I couldn't see that it wasn't real either.
Live and learn I suppose.