Forgive me for doing this here. I'm sure it makes me seem like an attention hog, but I just feel such a need to shout and I don't know whom to shout to. I can be fairly reserved in public, but I am just so grateful for my beautiful new daughter! She is such a treasure. I've never felt fully prepared when my children have been born, always wishing for more time and not sure how I'm going to manage having this new complication in my life. But just looking at her, so small, so precious, and I don't care whether you believe it or not, but such a blessing from God, I can't help but love her and not care about lost hours of sleep or more money out of my pocket. She is a gem, a true angel come to earth. I look at her tiny eyes that hardly open and cannot even focus on my face, her little lips that can only cry and consume milk, her skin so soft, her hair, so surprisingly long, but when you think about it, so short, and such a pretty color, I cannot help but see so much beauty.
She reminds me of my older children. My twins were born early and have often been a challenge. Just going to the store with them gives me a headache, as they love to touch everything, no matter if you just told them thrice not to. Sometimes I have a hard time being patient. But then I remember that they too were once babies, just like their little sister. They were in fact smaller, more fragile. I remember not caring about the difficulties I would have raising them in the future. All I cared about was them right then, holding them both at the same time, loving them, seeing their beautiful little faces, knowing they were my offspring. They were born caesarian and premature, and came with many health challenges, but they have overcome most of their difficulties and are such precious boys. And remembering that they were so recently babies, now almost 7 years old, I have to remember that even when I am at my wit's end with them, they are still little angels, gifted with such amazing talents and such loving hearts.
And then I think of my second-to-youngest (wow, less than three days ago my youngest!), provided with her own difficulties, yet blessed with her own amazing gifts so different from my boys. I remember the day she was born, approaching five years ago. Most doctors refuse to deliver a child vaginally after a c-section, but our OB was willing. Labor went on for a while, and ultimately our doctor, out of fear that my wife's scarred uterus would rupture and due to some signs on the fetal monitor that our child was in distressed, hurriedly helped her get out. I remember how tiny she once was, how scared I was to change a poopy diaper on a girl (fathers of girls know what I'm talking about), how grateful I was for a daughter, having wanted a girl since before I was even married. Today she hates just about 90% of anything called 'food' and can't sit in her chair long enough to finish anything from the remaining 10% that she specifically requested. She cries over the littlest things. But oh, she is so sweet and loving, just begging and begging to hold her sister today, making several paper and marker signs in preparation to meet her. She always hugs and kisses and is so genuine in her affection, and I'm so grateful to have such a sweet child.
Now I've got another blessing from God. She will probably be our last baby due to my wife's own health issues. She reminds me so much of her brothers and sister, and has served to remind me why I love them all. I worry that the older kids will be sad or feel estranged, since we will have less time or attention to give them. I have tried to encourage as much comfort and love on their part towards this newest addition, and have reassured them that I will always love them, no matter how stretched my time. I am not a perfect father. I lose my temper with them a lot and raise my voice. But I love them so much. I am so grateful for my wonderful children and my beautiful wife who has sacrificed so much to bring them here! Praise be to God for my family!
I don't need feedback for this. I really am not trying to get attention. I just really needed to shout out to the universe!