I definitely think that Tarkin's lines in that scene go against the point of this edit. Another option would be to cut after Vader says "I told you she wouldn't consciously betray the rebellion," then maybe cut to a silent-but-frustrated Tarkin, if possible.

Another alternative would be to have the Imperial that reported the failure to locate the rebel base not leave immediately, and have it appear that Tarkin barks the order at him instead. This might take some effort to make happen though, through After Effects or similar means.