CHRomer said:
the only thing I didn't like from your Jedi is the vestment of the guild it belongs to Obi-Wan, I don't see the Jedi Knights, guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy dresses like the picture on page 2 of the clothes of Obi-Wan (unless it's just for episode I).
Obi-Wan's a ronin Jedi, and ronin Jedi don't wear uniforms, so that outfit's just for this one episode. He'll be sporting different outfits throughout the next two sequels.
Obi-Wan: If I am not mistaken in this episode he is 20 years old, I think you put him too young, in my opinion he should be at least 25, to represent the maturity he has in this episode.
I do realize Ben comes off as a little too wise for his years. When I set out to write my new PT rewrite, though, I decided to stick with the birthdates the early EU originally gave Ben and Anakin -- 60 BBY for Ben, 55 BBY for Anakin -- and I had to make sure Anakin wasn't too old when he began his training (Yoda himself said Luke was too old for training in TESB, and he was only in his early 20s).
If I'd chosen to make Ben twenty-five or older, then I would have had to have done the same with Anakin, and that would have conflicted somewhat with TESB, which wouldn't have sat right with me.
Beru: In the same way that RicOlie_2 said Nashira should be older forAnakin to notice her. The same goes for Owen and Beru, she should be at least 14, to be Owen's girlfriend, and I don't think a boy with 17 year old boy notice a girl of 12.
I realize Beru is very young compared to Owen, and I'm aware of how distasteful their relationship is. Unfortunately, when I decided to make Beru Anakin's half-sister, I was forced to make her younger than him to facilitate the backstory of Anakin and his mother; when she got to Tatooine she already had Anakin but no man in her life -- it would have taken her some time before she fell in love again and had another child.
As with Ben, I'd like to make her older, but my hands are tied by the universe I've created.
Also, it should be noted that back in the days of the Old West, men often married teenaged girls who were far younger than them, even twelve-year-olds. Since Tatooine is an Old Western, frontier-far-from-the-hub-of-civilization type planet, it works in that regard, even if it is unwholesome by modern standards.
Leaving aside the issue of the ages of the characters, it's interesting the idea that the Republic has already been replaced by the Empire, but does not convince me at all. As everyone else is doing, I think Palpatine should be the one who declares the Galactic Empire.
It may be going against the grain, but there are three reasons I've gone this route:
1. To pay tribute to the original film's novelization, which mentioned that there were many emperors, not just one.
2. To fit with some of the earlier EU, which hinted that the Empire pre-dated Anakin's fall and Palpatine's rise to power by several decades.
3. To take unneeded emphasis off of Palpatine. My story is about Anakin's rise and fall and the part Obi-Wan plays in both; the cause of the Clone Wars, Palpatine's rise to power, the formation of the Empire, and the eradication of the Jedi are not central to this, so I'm not focusing on them.
I look forward to see Episode II to see the orphan boy named Darth Vader and Anakin's fall to the dark side.
I'm planning on getting started on writing the next episode right away, so I may be posting something new within a couple of weeks or even days. As Darth's just a baby in this next episode, though, he won't be doing much; you'll have to wait for the third episode before you see him do anything worthwhile. ;-)