Yes, the new clip is a big improvement. Looking good so far. There are a few things, and I know it's just a rough mockup, that would be curious if this is the first ten minutes of a single film. Things like Qui-Gon seemingly ending a phone call as Shmi walks up, and Yoda's line, "More to say have you?"

And I'd suggest cutting anything you wouldn't want to include, since it's a single film. If you don't want the prophecy stuff, may as well lose it. It's not set up in ANH or ESB and has no payoff in ROTJ. You might give Threepio some thought too. Watching the films in machete order made me expect to see some sort of revelation in ROTJ for the characters about the droids having been present for the events of Anakin's rise and fall.

This could be a good project.