Bingowings said:

I made the mistake of going into Burtons in Falkirk today. It was the Burtons that Burtons forgot. It looks like it hasn't been touched since flat-tops were in.I was looking for a new to me waistcoat and the only waistcoats in town seemed to be in there. They were made to match the worst looking blazer suit ever devised. I wanted to take the designer out to a swanky restaurant and poison the fucker for the sake of the species.
It looked like it was made from a bar of 1970's shield soap, that had dropped down the back of a sink overflow with pubes and toothbrush scum all over it.

If you read that post ^ in Alan Bennett's voice it's even better.