RicOlie_2 said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

ANAKIN: (exstatic) Right on!

Deactivating his lightsaber, Obi-Wan turns to regard Anakin, he simply stands there frozen, his mouth agape with amazement at the feats he just witnessed. Beru, Nellith, and Owen -- clutching his wounded shoulder -- exit the house, attracted by all the commotion.

I enjoyed it as usual, but it's time for nitpicking now. ;)

"Exstatic" should be "ecstatic" and you may want to make it more clear that Anakin is the one standing there frozen. Because Obi-Wan is the subject, the "he" refers to him as you have it, even though you don't intend it that way. I suggest you replace "he" with "the boy" to make it clear who you mean.

I always have trouble remembering how to spell ecstatic *d'oh*.

Thanks for pointing out that vague bit of writing in regards to Anakin and Ben. I always try to go back over my writing to iron out any problematic areas, but I miss things sometimes, especially the little ones like these.

Do you care if you use thee and thou correctly? Right now you consistently use the former when Watto is speaking and I was just curious if that was intentional, or if his speech is meant to be archaic and you want to use "thee", "thou", "thine", and "thy" correctly. The way it is is fine though since Watto doesn't use grammatically correct speech a lot of the time anyway.

I recall finding a "thee" in Watto's dialogue when I was going over the script for TPM a few years back, so I decided to make it a general part of his dialect when I was writing my previous Ep. I rewrite; making him sound archaic isn't something I was going for then or now (I'm trying to make him sound more like an Eastern European Italian gangster, actually, if that makes any sense).

Otherwise, great job again; I'm enjoying the read.

Thanks. Hopefully, I'll be able to take the story past the whole "doom and gloom" state it's been in so far and start exploring the more optimistic themes of the plot soon.