DuracellEnergizer said:

Just a heads up: I've gone back and re-edited some of the earlier entries of my script.

In addition to a few minor corrections/alterations, the Radiant VII is now directly attacked by a pair of assault ships instead of a single dungeon ship, most of the dialogue between Ziyal D'ukat and the priestess Zull has been rewritten, I've added some more description to the battle between the Mandalorian boarding party and the Mistryl Shadow Guards, and I've changed the name of the second thug who attacks the Siri.

Looking good. There's one thing though, not a change as it was in your original post, but you have the blaster bolt that bounces off of 3PO's shoulder plate kill the Mandalorian. To me at least that seems a little bit slapstick and is maybe something you should avoid. Perhaps you could have the blaster bolt bounce off only to be harmlessly absorbed by the Mandalorian's armour or even remove the encounter altogether. Just a thought.