I think you can ignore the 'big' things from the PT that alienated the fanbase, and still stay true to the 9 part story.

I expect the Skywalker grandchildren to ask Luke/Leia about their father and mother during the ST, so I don't see a problem with talking about that.

What I would have a problem is having Hayden Christenson be a force ghost throughout the trilogy and guide Luke and the Skywalker Grandkids the same way Alec Guiness did in the OT. That would be such a turn-off to so many fans (and would be a deal-breaker for me), that I think Abrams will stay away from shit like that. Now if Lucas was directing the ST, then I think there would be more PT-references as he always seems to find a few things to piss of the older fans.