So, so very sorry to hear that Leonardo. That's so sad. You have to let that guilt go though, it's the only way to get better, and your grandparents knew you loved them and I'm sure they know you well enough to understand.

And as someone who has been in the place your in, for different reasons, of needing a job and being too sad/depressed to get one, make yourself go for it. It will help so, so, so very much. You will feel so much better about yourself and your mind will be off of what's bothering you, then when your off your relaxation time will be so much more meaningful and you will feel great about it.

Sorry if I come off as a know-it-all or something. I obviously don't know completely what you are going through. I just know I have felt the same way before, and wanted to share my experiences hoping that it would help you.

You'll be in our thoughts and for some of us prayers. Best of luck and tidings to you.