^ Along those lines...

I dislike the fact that gathering new strength... is attached to escaped into exile. Luke and Leia can scarcely gather new strength whilst escaping, so I would write something like: The rebel heroes Luke and Leia Skywalker narrowly escape into exile, determined to gather...

Moreover, if it were my crawl, I would be unhappy with its heavy use of the simple past. Star Wars crawls, at least the OT ones, tend to use the simple present and present perfect, which give them a sense of immediacy that (after the first sentence) I don't feel when reading yours, promising though it is.

Here's a very quick and imperfect example of how I might re-write the crawl. It is partly on the wording of Jambe Davdar's alternate crawl for ESB.

It is a time of galactic tyranny. Lured by the Emperor's twisted decoy into destroying the new Death Star, the rebels have suffered a sudden and unexpected defeat at the hands of the Imperial Starfleet, which has regrouped and laid waste the forest moon of Endor.

Across the galaxy, worlds that celebrated the Alliance's short-lived victory now feel the oppressive Imperial grip tightening once more.

Narrowly escaping the destruction on Endor, the rebel heroes Luke and Leia Skywalker head into exile, determined to gather new strength in the fight for justice and freedom among the darkening stars....

I hope that this is constructive criticism, NeverarGreat. While I initially didn't like the idea of a decoy, it is an ingenious way of explaining the fact that two actors played the emperor.