I finally managed to see this today and like Dan's ROTJ edit it has a lot going for it.
The opening moments on the ship almost work now. My preferred order is well documented on these forums (of having the Jedi and the the Queen travel to Naboo to free it rather than escaping and returning) but this is as close to an optimal version of the original order as make no odds.
I've heard some Fed dubs before but this is the best.
It sounds like an authentic Star Wars alien language and because there is less said by Nute now it doesn't drag so much having to read the subs.
I like that Nute is already having strong reservations about Sidious but what is lacking is a real motivation for the invasion.
Sid wants his treaty for reasons best know to himself (I guess he doesn't really but there is no explanation of the false reasons for him helping Nute). And the tax crap doesn't cut it as to why the Feds want the planet.
I would have kept the intro to Jar-Jar but dubbed it so he is only Gungan on the planet (in this version) and in exile (in this edit he isn't the lone Gungan at all it's still their world and we see them getting captured).
His dub doesn't work as well. I fear he must speak the same language as the humans as he has dialogue heavy scenes which become a bit of a chore otherwise.
The merge of the battle from the end and the escape from the hanger is seemless but pointless as everyone ends up there again anyway.
It makes more sense to have all that stuff at the end so the hanger is used only once in the story.
If the Bongo/fish scenes are to be used at all maybe someone could make a matte of the Bongo parked in the pond so the Jedi go straight to it and in the ship Jar Jar could explain he was exiled because his people predicted he would cause some terrible catastrophe (which sets up Ep2).
I was surprised how much I didn't miss the droid battle.
Threepio is hardly missed at all either, maybe he could be inserted in the background on Coruscant and on the Queen's ship.
Maybe it would make sense if Qui-Gon meets Anakin before Watto.
He goes back to his place, discusses the race and then meets Watto to talk betting.
Qui-Gon has already annoyed Watto in an earlier scene so it makes sense if this is the first time they meet.
The scenes with Schmoo and Qui-Gon work better now.
I wish Obi-Wan was given something to do on that ship.
I would trim away Anakin stalling on the starting line so he is only stalled for a fraction of a second (if at all) and quickly catches up.
I would put back the extended material of the Sandpeople shooting the Jawas collecting junk to the race.
It's a bit of local colour that works.
I don't see why Sidious and Maul are openly walking around on Coruscant.
It makes more sense if that exchange happened on Naboo with Sidious as a hologram (or better still in a battle droid factory elsewhere in the galaxy).
I don't know if it's possible to trim Palpatine's description of the senate being full of delegates to be just full of arguing and squabbling in general.
It's the Senate so it's bound to have delegates in it so the line plays a bit dumb.
You could cut Anakin being tested entirely and have the Jedi decide to defer their judgement until after the Naboo crisis.
I loathe those scenes.
It just trowels Anakin's instant hate for Mace onto the film in a forced manner.
Cutting the land battle improves the saber duel immensely. It does leave Anakin with nothing to do and leaves only Padme's adventures as a cut away.
I would as I said earlier stick all the hanger stuff in the end.
Have Anakin take down a ship deliberately and trim the queen's adventures to a minimum (largely because Pananka is so bleedin irritating).
i'd move the fight to the droid control ship and stick those scenes together too because that powerstation just sticks out like a sore thumb on Naboo.
Nice to end with the funeral.
As with the ROTJ edit this is more of a series of experiments.
Some of which work really well and should be seen by anyone else considering doing this sort of thing.
I think with a production team doing new effects and bit more restructuring this film can be saved.
It will never be great but it could be a half descent Star Wars film with a bit of TLC and this edit proves it can be done.
Thanks again for an enjoyable experience.