I understand you're being facetious and just asking for a rebuttal, but I really must. The ones I didn't respond to I either agree with or don't want to bother with.
Ryan McAvoy said:
- It has the best epic battle: Endor. Yavin and Hoth don't come close.
Not sure if serious. The combination of the three battles makes for something very epic, yes; but if we're talking ground battle - that's Hoth; if we're talking space battle - that's Yavin (yeah, I said it. Sometimes bigger isn't better. No suspense in the space battle in ROTJ, also it's one of three things going on).
- It's got the best use of the Falcon. Without the Falcon kickin' ass as the Rebel lead fighter in the battle of Endor it wouldn't be half as iconic. The camera work on the Falcon in ESB pales next to Jedi and the Falcon in ANH barely moves.
The Falcon's only use is by Lando in the big battle. Sure this is showier, but it's only one of many elements involved in the climax, and is therefor nothing too special.
- It's got the single most exciting chase sequence in cinema history: The speeder bike chase. A masterpiece of sound, photography, design and FX.
Obvious hyperbole, is obvious. Best chase in SW, but if you're serious beyond that you need to watch more cinema.
- It's got the best FX. If you think it doesn't, you are probably confusing memories of the SE in your head with the GOUT. Go look at the GOUT Bespin or many of the shots from the GOUT battle of Yavin.
Partly true. It does have some of the best FX. It also has some of the worst FX; e.g. the obvious matte paintings in the Rebel hangar, crappy green screen for the scene on the barge on the way to the sarlacc, etc.
- It's got the most 'scale' of the three. Epic locations, epic battles and a huge cast of diverse background characters.
Eh, I don't think so. The only planets featured are Tatooine, Dagobah, and Endor. We've already seen two of them, and Endor's easily the most boring OT planet. You might also count the Death Star, but yeah, seen that too. Battles are mostly epic, yeah. I would also argue that the cast of background characters is no huger than in the other two, and only slightly more diverse. Also, on the whole, the scale of the film is really quite smaller than one would hope. Yeah, it's larger than the other two, but not by much. This is supposedly the endgame in the war, and yet the entire battle is based around this one moon - and not even the entire moon, mind you, just this one small spot where a bunker is. Now I know how everyone here feels about the prequels, but look at ROTS. That film has an epic scale. ROTJ does not.
There are other points I'd be tempted to make, such as it has the best pacing but I'll admit that that could be argued against. F*ck it! It does! The opening to ANH is painfully slow and ESB is very static in the middle (Asteroid interlude while Luke is jogging round a swamp). Jedi's pace never lets up! xD
Yep, I get it. This one's a joke.