It might lead to a tonal missmatch but it might be interesting to move the line about Vader sensing something, to the point after the battle on the Tantive.
He is orbiting the planet on which he was born, where his son and his former mentor live and he is on the same ship as his daughter.
He instinctively knew that Hoth was where Luke was based on one probe reading.
He could sense Luke (and maybe Leia on the Tydirium) so it might be an intreging direction to go for a SE edit.