buy a fedora
everyone will love you dude trust me on this
Don't listen to Nanner Split, he's trying to get me to murder you.
Frink, my personal theory is all four threads were created at the same time, but the fourth was trapped in the Warp for four hours and came out corrupted and evil.
Keep Circulating the Tapes.
END OF LINE
(It hasn’t happened yet)
Nope Fedoras are cool, I wear a Fedora now and then ( I used to wear a J B Stetson, sometimes a Fez and sometimes a bow tie but someone else pinched these looks, I still wear lots of tweed though).
Bingowings said:
Nope Fedoras are cool, I wear a Fedora now and then
Maybe he is just doing it for attention and that is why people don't like him, because he does stuff like this for attention.
;)
Oh, I'm sure people still like... erm... me despite doing things for attention ;-}
Though I do have a very big head so getting hats that fit can be a bit of a problem.
It's hard for me to take this thread seriously considering it's one of about 23.
You're 19 off but whatever.
I knew a guy in college with a fedora AND a whip. What an asshole.
I knew a guy in college with a whip AND an asshole. What a Fedora!
I know a guy with a whip, and he really likes my ass..........
...Wait. I think that might be a bit off topic.
Star Wars Episode XXX: Erica Strikes Back
If you want Nice, go to France
Do you wear a Fedora?
Bingowings said:
Do you wear a Fedora?
Yep........and nothing else.
Star Wars Episode XXX: Erica Strikes Back
If you want Nice, go to France
I'm an asshole without a whip or fedora =(
No time to waste!
Get in on the crazy new Fedora and whip fad that has been getting assholes in a frenzy from coast to coast.
Do not delay, get one today!
To be clear, he was an asshole independent of his possessions.
So I just walk up to them in the middle of the game, conversation, whatever they were deeply involved in and just ask them about Magic? I don't know...I feel like if I do that then they will think there is something wrong with me in my head.
I'm scared they might write me off right then and there. If I had something ready to say to them, I wouldn't be sitting here after two years and still not know any of their names. I always feel unwanted, hated, and guilty. I am the kind of person whose first reaction to hearing about anything bad happening anywhere in the world is to think of all the ways in which I could be responsible. As nuts as this might sound, I do not entirely discount the notion that I was somehow responsible for what happened to the Twin Towers. And Hurricane Katrina. And earthquakes. And wars. These are the things that run in my head and make me think "Who would ever want to be friends with someone like me? Or invite me to anything?"
And I have posted these kinds of topics in other forums across the Internet and ranted at relatives, close friends from high school, psychiatric counselors, and psycho-therapists endlessly for the past three or four years. Not much has changed so far. Except that I no longer engage in self-harm with a razor, as I did all throughout January. Now sometimes I hit myself with blunt objects.
I went to a local meetup of Firefly fans today and I still felt mostly like a wallflower. I don't know if I should even bother going back to that group. They didn't hate me or anything, I don't give people reasons to hate me. But I just couldn't justify opening my mouth for most of the occasion because I sincerely believed that I was incapable of offering anything of value. Especially when people there started talking about jobs and romantic relationships. I haven't had any actual experience in other of those two things. I truly felt like an alien from another world. Like I was divorced from humanity because I had no ability to connect with others in those ways.
There was only really one person there to whom I felt any kind of friendliness. Luckily I happened to be sitting next to him the whole time. That's generally the way it works with me. I tend to find 1-3 "partners in crime" and just ignore everybody else at the event.
But then people said things to each other that were not as witty or well-timed as what I had planned out in my head, and that kept infuriating me. I try to make poignant and well-placed comments, absolutely avoiding as many cliches as possible. But these other people were getting away with ignoring those standards. And that made me want to take a broken beer bottle to someone's jugular.
I guess what I'm trying to say with all my bitching and moaning on the Internet is that I want to become a real adult. Not a twenty-year-old child with a driver's license. A real grown-up, with a job and who regularly has sex (the genuine kind, not the financial transaction kind).
Another thing that I have heard is that I have to stop thinking about myself all the time and I have to stop hating myself. I agree with the first part but I cannot see the sense behind the second part. I honestly feel like I deserve to be hated and tortured.
I vaguely remember feeling differently, feeling better than I do now. It was in all the years before my high school graduation. I remember the moment I started to feel dead inside. It was a few weeks into May of 2010. I woke up one morning and I felt this awful stillness in me. I felt chemically different from the way I had felt all my life previously. I looked up at the ceiling and just kept blankly staring at it, content to rot away forever on my mattress. Before I would have been too restless and full of energy. But from then on a little voice has been gnawing away at my mind saying "What is the fucking point? There's a train station near your apartment. Go jump in front of the southbound train and get this 'living' shit overwith!" I now realize that that was the first time I tasted depression. But now I want it all to change for the sake of my own sanity.
Shit. You need considerably more help than anyone here can give you.
Not saying that to make you feel alienated. You're not alone. A lot of people suffer from depression like this. So many others go through this kind of hell. Some worse than others. But I hope you realize you really need help. Don't fool yourself into thinking you deserve to be miserable. You don't! Sounds like you've been getting counseling and medical help. Good. Stick with it. If you feel like it isn't helping, branch out to different doctors and find one who knows what he/she is doing, but don't give up.
You're not that weird, unique, or unusual. A lot of people get dealt this kind of sucky hand and have to deal with it.
:(
So it's pretty obvious that you're not so much socially awkward as you are severely, severely depressed. CP3S pretty much says it all, but I'd like to add some gravity:
Depression like you suffer from is a terminal thing. It will kill you eventually. So you need to get help. I saw something about counseling and psychiatrists up there, and I don't know how much therapy you're currently attending but something may be wrong in the process you're in if it's been awhile and you're not making any progress. Maybe you need to find a new therapist, or maybe you're (or they, sometimes there are bad ones) not taking it seriously enough and need to really throw yourself on the mercy of the system, or maybe you need medication or aren't taking the ones prescribed to you, or maybe you just need to redouble your efforts, I don't know.
Besides the depression, you clearly have a lot of anxiety (maybe just social anxiety, but probably more generalized) and intrusive thoughts judging by your social problems and your blaming things out of your control on your actions. Combined with the depression, this creates a cycle that keeps you depressed and thus they need to be treated as well. Bring these up to your therapist, they love those clinical designations.
Speaking as someone who has been through depression (albeit mild) and the system personally, and has seen many other people go through both, what you need to do is do your research and find a therapist who you can trust and form a connection with (keep looking until you find one) and then tell them everything, word-for-word, that you told us. Print it out and read it off to them if you have to. You also need to trust what they tell you to do and do it. Remember that medication is not a bad thing. This is a very, very serious thing and while we want to help you, I doubt any of us here are equipped to deal with it like a professional is.
Additionally, it is extremely important to remember that you are not the only one who feels this way. I'm willing to bet that everyone in the world suffers from varying degrees of depression at multiple points in their life. Even more important to remember is that it can be treated, and you can feel better. It may take awhile and it will take a lot of work, but, trust me, it will be one hundred percent worth it when you feel better.
But you need to do something, and it needs to be soon. Social interaction and girls can wait here (in fact, you'll find that both will be much easier when you're less depressed), because if this isn't dealt with, you will die. And while I can't speak for anyone else here, I know that I don't want you to die.
Keep Circulating the Tapes.
END OF LINE
(It hasn’t happened yet)
Why are you scared?
Before you talked to them they were not your friends at worse they will still not be your friends but there is a spectrum of possibilities above that ranging from casual buddies to best pals.
Unless acted upon by a net unbalanced force, an object will maintain a constant velocity.
Thus spake the man who invented punting.
Your life will continue on it's current trajectory unless acted on by exterior objects (people, events, organisations etc).
So aim yourself in the general direction of the place you wish to be and deal with each collision as it happens.
Inaction is not protection from bad things.
Bad things happen to everyone, whether they have fun and fulfilling lives or not.
So you might as well put yourself in a position where fun and fulfillment is statistically a greater probability than hiding yourself in the vain hope of avoiding disappointment.
There is much hope to be found in the laws of Physics and Mathematics.
C3 and Tyrph gave some good advice there. I hope you find the help you need.
Better than Issac Newton?
I may be 20 years old but I still have no direct control over much money I can use. I have gotten used to thinking of it like the wind, it comes and goes whenever it does, and there's not much I can do to influence it. So that makes me feel guilty about ever spending any money at all on absolutely anything. I always have to assume that the $8.34 in my wallet is the last $8.34 my entire family will ever have. I take seriously the idea that my purchase of a can of $1.70 Monster Energy Drink at Wal-Mart has been responsible for the country's recession. And the cheapest therapy sessions I have been to have been $45 each. And our family members abroad always need extra money, especially my sick mother in Pakistan. She's recovering from gall bladder removal surgery. And a bunch of other surgeries. She hasn't been a bad mother to me or anything but I honestly wish she would just die already. That way we don't have to send her any more of the money my dad earns online.
On top of all of that I have been searching for some kind of outside job for years. Retail this and retail that. It's only now that I've been turning to restaurants and cafes. But I have to put that on hold for at least another week to hear back from an engineering company where I went to an interview because I was referred there by my friend's dad who is a VP of one of the departments there. It's a little hard to maintain the positive, initiative-taking, go-getter attitude when you've been searching for three years, you are brown-skinned, you have no real experience, references, or social skills, and you are a male with an acne problem. The closest thing I have ever had to a job so far has been four days of volunteer work at a cafe. That sent the message loud and clear: "No-one is willing to pay you. Ever." How fucking encouraging. I already thought that I was worth nothing on a moral and experiential level, now I can add that I am worth nothing on the economic level. Great.
I've been helping out with my dad's home business for years now, 5 to 10 hours a week. I'm basically a warehouse monkey, but my title is Research and Development Officer. What the fuck is that? Just for once I want a job where I don't have to lie and make myself sound like some kind of bigshot, even if that job title is "Host" or "Dishwasher".
I have a constant, unending guilt trip for everything I do playing on repeat inside my head, at the absolute loudest volume possible, especially in matters relating to money. But the thing is, I can't see things ever being any different. My mind can no longer generate the thought of me being responsible for anything good. At least not in a way I can take seriously or see as being feasible.
And my dad does not believe in therapy, medication, or counseling. He hasn't disallowed me from doing those things, but he has guilt tripped me about them like he always does about everything else. He insists that if I listen to enough Anthony Robbins and Brian Tracy, I can just flip a light switch in my head and everything will be perfect by the next day.
So I am afraid of going to therapy because I don't have a stable supply of money that I can call my own and because my dad does not believe in that sort of thing working. I don't either, probably because I have only been able to go to two goddamned sessions before I left this summer for a 90-day trip abroad that I thought was going to change everything. Instead I am now back to square zero like I always am after I am done doing something that I think will "change everything".
I fucking hate the city of Atlanta, Georgia. I have been in this miserable shithole for nine pointless years and I am convinced that I might die here. I only ever have real fun when I temporarily leave this place to see my siblings in Canada and Europe. While I am abroad I always try to formulate plans to break out of the depression I am in in Atlanta. I always have help from my siblings when I do this. I think that I am a different person when I'm outside Atlanta, and thus will be able to devise some kind of solution to my depression. Look for jobs in this way, at this time of the week, at this time of day, look for these social groups on Meetup.com, go talk to these people at the university. But all of that shit crumbles and burns into nothingness when I get back here.
There is something about this place that sucks all the hope and joy out of me. If it were entirely up to me, I would live in the city of Toronto. Assuming I can find a job there. I don't know much about that, I've only ever looked for a job here in Atlanta. But I've been there on visits a total of four times, and I get a nice, almost European vibe. Very open and tolerant, diverse and beautiful people they have there. I've heard that it is more expensive to live there than it is here, but if I were there at least I wouldn't be surrounded by people I want to mow down with an Uzi.
I have almost nothing but bad memories about this town. And the worst part is is that there are never any major natural disasters here. I want a goddamned hurricane to sweep through the place, followed by an 8.5 earthquake, and topped off with a shower of meteorites. That's how much I love the cunting ATL. It wouldn't affect me if the CDC were broken into and every single hell-spawn of a virus contained in there were released into the local populace, because I wouldn't have any friends in the resulting mass of dead and dying people anyway. I would probably die too. But who cares about that, right?
Fuck Atlanta, fuck Georgia, and fuck the "New South". I never belonged in this ass-backwards, segregated, Bible-thumping trash can of a state anyway. I'm just here because my dad plopped us down here when I was eleven because an apartment was cheap and we don't get any hurricanes, blizzards, or earthquakes here. I don't want to stay here for even a single day longer than I absolutely have to. In fact I am hesitant to use the term "we" in regards to this city because that very word associates me with this place, this boring useless time-wasting shithole where no progress has ever been made towards me getting a life.
I remember the days when I would come here to write about Star Wars.
You and many others might think this is a totally crazy idea but I'll lay it down in case you haven't contemplated it before. A person that is burnt out on life and their surroundings should at least consider it.
Join the military.
1. You will be able to leave Atlanta and go see the world.
2. You will be making money.
3. You will exercise every day. This helps against depression. A lot.
(I sometimes wonder why it's not prescribed at the doctor's office.)
4. You will be part of a group and you will develop friendships. You could not even want to and it will still happen in this environment.
5. You will not be able to see your family very often and will come to appreciate them more after a couple years of being away.
6. You need to stop talking about how you wish your mother would die and you wanting to mow people down with an Uzi you stuck-up selfish prick. If you want out of Atlanta, fucking pack a bag and walk/drive yourself to a happier place. You sound like you want somebody to fix your problems but the truth is that you are here just whining about shit that all of us have been through. We might empathize with you a bit but you are the only person that can enact change in your life. I wish you the best and I totally understand about living in a culture where your creed or culture is non-existent but harming others won't really get you anything. I hope that you find a way out of there to a place where you can find some happiness.
Luke threw twice…maybe.
What is the political and religious makeup of the military like? Is it mostly religious neo-conservatives? Many of the servicemen I have met have been that or something similar. Doesn't seem like my kind of crowd. I'm an apatheist and I do not subscribe to the whole "USA #1" ideology. I try to remember that the world is less black and white than petty nationalism would seem to dictate.
I've always seen recruitment drives based on "pride for your country" and "service to your land" as transparent attempts to convert more serfs into meatshields. Perhaps I think this way because my immediate family is very international in nature. My dad got us out of Pakistan while the going was good and I am the first American-born in the family. My mother is strongly attached to her homeland of Pakistan, but I, my siblings, and my father don't peg ourselves down as being of a particular country, except for the purpose of having something to record on paper. I feel more like "a dude who happens to possess an American passport from birth" than "an American". I've been to many different places around the world in my short life and it feels strange and off-putting to call myself "an American", except as a formality. I try to place myself above nationalism. That's why I've always had trouble picturing myself as a military serviceman. Unless Earth gets invaded by hostile alien lifeforms and all the world's militaries team up to fight them off. I would be on my way to the recruiter's office within five minutes of seeing that on the news.
I've never understood the saying "proud to be an American". Pride is felt when you've earned something by your own labor. I am glad to be an American. Lucky to be an American. But I wouldn't go so far as to say "proud".
Also if I were to give it a go, would they be able to read all of this? Does the military normally accept any suicidally-depressed people who have thoughts of killing every new person they meet?
And one more thing, while I do try to keep fit, I am not an athlete. I've never had any desire or drive to join track teams, sports teams, whatever. Those activities never held much interest for me because I was so horrible at them in middle school that I've been turned off to the very idea. Now I just keep fit so that I can fit inside my H&M clothes and so that my body doesn't atrophy. I also have never had any interest in watching or following any sports. Isn't military culture a lot more sports-oriented?
You see, sports has always been this thing that everyone else in the world seems to be interested in, but in which I have absolutely *no* interest.
I'm not saying the military option is impossible, it just seems rather unlikely at this juncture.
And I thought I had problems ...