McFlabbergasty said:
Also, I am a virgin. I've never even kissed a girl before. I am not willing to hire a prostitute because from every account I have ever heard, that does not really change anything besides the size of one's wallet.
This almost fits me to a "T". Just change the third sentence to "I am willing to hire a prostitute, but I am never in the right time or place to do so; plus, I wouldn't know how to explain how the money I spent disappeared to my parents without raising a few eyebrows".