George Lucas has stated that he will reboot the original Star Wars trilogy in order to "get it more in line with my original vision, more like what I showed audiences with my Prequel Trilogy." Upon hearing this news, estimates from 500,000 to millions have hurled themselves to their deaths in various locations, from the Golden Gate bridge in the west to the Sears Tower in the east. The Federal Bureau of Investigation is considering pressing charges against Lucas for crimes against humanity, but most in the federal government appear hesitant. "Do you really think that the Federal Reserve could pay for enough attorneys to match the clone army of lawyers Lucas can assemble? The man owns, like, 68% of the earth!" stated an unnamed source in the Attorney General's office. When Lucas first heard the suggestion, President Barack Obama personally called him to smooth things over ahead of the DNC so as not to harm his reelection campaign. Lucas has stated that he may withhold his campaign contributions from the Obama compaign, but has not stated whether he will unleash the political power of the Illuminati or withhold it. This dramatic turn of events mere months before the election could drastically shake things up. When asked about the deaths attributed to his "deliberate creative decisions," Lucas responded, "Heck, more people died in the Clone Wars than that!"
Source: http://originaltrilogy.com/forum/topic.cfm/How-would-a-Star-Wars-reboot-do/post/593685/#TopicPost593685