Scotch Rhapsody'
 
'Do not take a bath in Jordan,Gordon,On the holy Sabbath, on the peaceful day!'Said the huntsman, playing on his old bagpipe,Boring to death the pheasant and the snipe — Boring the ptarmigan and grouse for fun — Boring them worse than a nine-bore gun.Till the flaxen leaves where the prunes are ripe,Heard the tartan wind a-droning in the pipe,And they heard Macpherson say:'Where do the waves go? What hotelsHide their bustles and their gay ombrelles?And would there be room? — Would there be
room? Would 
there be room for me?There is a hotel at OstendCold as the wind, without an end,Haunted by ghostly poor relationsOf Bostonian conversations(Like bagpipes rotting through the walls.)And there the pearl-ropes fall like shawlsWith a noise like marine waterfalls.And 'Another little drink wouldn't do us any harm'Pierces through the Sabbatical calm.And
that 
is the place for me!So do not take a bath in Jordan, Gordon,On the holy Sabbath, on the peaceful day — Or you'll never go to heaven, Gordon Macpherson,And speaking purely as a private personThat is the place — 
that 
is the place — that is the place for me!
 
 — Dame Edith Sitwell (1887–1964
Scotch Rhapsody 
Do not take a bath in Jordan, Gordon, 
On the holy Sabbath, on the peaceful day! ' 
Said the huntsman, playing on his old bagpipe, 
Boring to death the pheasant and the snipe — 
Boring the ptarmigan and grouse for fun — 
Boring them worse than a nine-bore gun. 
Till the flaxen leaves where the prunes are ripe, 
Heard the tartan wind a-droning in the pipe, 
And they heard Macpherson say: 
'Where do the waves go? What hotels 
Hide their bustles and their gay ombrelles?  
And would there be room? — 
 
Would there be room?  
Would there be room 
for 
me?  
 
There is a hotel at Ostend 
Cold as the wind, without an end, 
Haunted by ghostly poor relations 
Of Bostonian conversations 
(Like bagpipes rotting through the walls.)   
And there the pearl-ropes fall like shawls 
With a noise like marine waterfalls. 
And 'Another little drink wouldn't do us any harm! ' 
Pierces through the Sabbatical calm. 
And that is the place for me!  
So do not take a bath in Jordan, Gordon, 
On the holy Sabbath, on the peaceful day — 
Or you'll never go to heaven, Gordon Macpherson, 
And speaking purely as a private person 
 
That is the place 
— that is the place 
— that is the 
place 
for 
me!   
 
Dame Edith Louisa Sitwell