John Carter

Dear Xhonzi,

Allow me to take this opportunity to apologize to you and everyone else who enjoyed this movie in theaters and told me to see it. I honestly feel bad for not supporting this movie when it really mattered, for now we'll never get a sequel.

I was unsure watching it at first, it was confusing at first, but by the time it got going I was along for the ride. It was well made, decently acted, with gorgeous visual effects.

I am genuinely sorry for not listening to you. You would have thought I learned after Inception.

I will never not listen to you again, xhonzi.

Sincerely,

Five

Gaffer Tape said:

Brave

Possibly contains Disney's first POV boob-diving sequence. Movies really need more of these.

I hope that doesn't mean what I think it means, does it?