I've made a few attempts to read this, and keep asking myself why I can't seem to get into it, and honestly, I think it's because I'm not sure how to attack it, because of it's organization. I don't see how this is supposed to be read, it's not a treatment and it's not a script. It's something in between where I can't tell where scenes end or pick up. It's almost as if you've decided just to free write. If you want people to read it, I suggest that you go with more of a plot-oriented write that we can understand that only includes important plot points and details related to them, or if you're going to go this in depth then do scenes like in a script instead of just writing "cut to" at the beginning of certain paragraphs. That's just my opinion, because I really want to read this, but it just seems really disorganized at the moment and hard to read. I know how hard this is to do and I have a ton of respect for you in doing it, I'd like to give you feedback, it's just hard to get a feel for the story in its presentation, just my opinion.