Explorers find a giant sculpture of a head on an alien planet, a holographic map room and evidence that life on Earth was engineered by an advanced race of Godlike beings.
A massive sandstorm blows up and before you know it.... NO NOT THAT ONE IT"S NOT OUT UNTIL JUNE.
No I'm talking Mission To Mars (2000).
What was in the water around the turn of the millennium that made well respected directors of the 70's and 80's make expensive and astonishing crap science fiction films?
I previously mentioned Supernova of the same year, of which Walter Hill (with a bit of help from Francis Ford Coppola) should be deeply embarrassed.
This time it's Brian De Palma's turn to sully his considerable (albeit not to everyone's taste) talent in SPPPPPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCEEEEE!
Just about everything in this film doesn't work, make sense or inspire even rubbernecking interest.
The score is intrusive and often does the opposite of what it's meant to.
Scenes which on paper, I assume, were designed to provoke tension or pathos backfire like a funky banger too clapped out to make it unassisted to the wrecker's yard.
The product placement is astoundingly vulgar.
Don't watch this film, just stay away, run if you have to.
No balls
On the same naughty staircase but at least it's got a few moments of fun so it's not on the same stair Ghosts Of Mars (2001).
What a waste of a good cast and Ice Cube.
John Carpenter, what went wrong?
Where did your mojo go?
It's basically Assault On Precinct 13 meets The Fog , with a bit of They Live on Maaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrsssss (only mostly awful)!
I know we are supposed to think it's a retro exploitation flick, what with having Pam Grier in it and all (she does have the good sense to make a quick and complete exit) but that's no excuse for for what amounts to a costume wrestling film without wrestling.
Has anyone figured out which country Jason Statham really comes from?
The 'diamond geezer' routine doesn't wash with me, I've never heard anyone from Chesterfield sound like him.
There are a few giggles in it but it's really only for masochistic completists.
Half a ball.