Hi, darth_ender. I'm happy to see the wote results. I want to suggest something, to keep in mind, is a script dramatic structure. There are rules to make a film, this includes the OT films, but changing it would be difficult. I have to write a quote here:

"A story is not a machine that does what you tell it. A story is a beast with a life of it's own. You can create it, shape it, but as the story grows , it's starts wanting things of its own. Change one thing, and you set off a chain reaction of events that spreads through the whole thing. The characters have to be true themselves. The events need to follow a logic that fits the story. A single flaw, and the magic is gone.

- Alan Wake"

This is for my bad english. :P This is a link for screenwriting, if you have this knowlege, then I apoligy for that: http://www.screenwriting-resources.com/screenplay-structure.php