CWBorne said:

Read the whole thing. Like the interplay between Skywalker and Kenobi, the action opening was a good choice, and the ship going to light speed and tearing up the clone vessel was a great touch.

Thanks, glad you enjoyed those bits.

Certain elements feel a tad too reminiscent of ANH, so it might help to go a different route with them. Maybe the ship they get looks great, but runs terribly in contrast to the Falcon. The test with Anakin isn't him with his senses blocked, but perhaps overloaded with either sight or sound so he has to focus his abilities and mind on one thing. Just an idea.

Cool, I think I think I'll try those ideas.

A decent portion of the dialogue has excess unnatural exposition but you already admitted that.

Yeah, sorry about that. My choice to not have an opening crawl meant that the characters had to talk about what the hell was going on.

Finally I think it would help to get just a bit more development between Anakin and Obi-Wan before they leave Tatooine. Doesn't really seem like the former sees so much force potential in the former, and that he's along because he's just a helpful pilot. I guess I just think that Anakin's decision to be a Jedi needs a seem a bit more meaningful, because it feels more like him choosing a career choice.

Maybe there could be hints of Anakin's force abilities for when they are packing to leave anchorhead. Or maybe on the way to mos eisley the speeder breaks down and they have to continue on foot, leading to more character development between the two. I do feel there needs to be more character moments between Anakin and Obi-wan before they arrive at the Fleet.

Overall I will say there's tons of potential with this.

Thanks again.

What other things do you think could be tweaked or changed?