Read the whole thing. Like the interplay between Skywalker and Kenobi, the action opening was a good choice, and the ship going to light speed and tearing up the clone vessel was a great touch.

Certain elements feel a tad too reminiscent of ANH, so it might help to go a different route with them. Maybe the ship they get looks great, but runs terribly in contrast to the Falcon. The test with Anakin isn't him with his senses blocked, but perhaps overloaded with either sight or sound so he has to focus his abilities and mind on one thing. Just an idea.

A decent portion of the dialogue has excess unnatural exposition but you already admitted that.

Finally I think it would help to get just a bit more development between Anakin and Obi-Wan before they leave Tatooine. Doesn't really seem like the former sees so much force potential in the former, and that he's along because he's just a helpful pilot. I guess I just think that Anakin's decision to be a Jedi needs a seem a bit more meaningful, because it feels more like him choosing a career choice.

Overall I will say there's tons of potential with this.