The Phantom Menace. God, where to begin with this movie. I read somewhere (maybe here) that there is a good movie buried under all of that mess. And a mess is a good way to describe it. The one thing in TPM that really bugs me to this very day is the whole 'immaculate conception' crap. I'm sorry, but this really just blew the whole thing for me. Up to that point I was sort of enjoying the story and thrilled to be seeing a new Star Wars movie. When Shmi said that it was Immaculate Conception, I just found the whole thing unbelievable at that point. This whole comparing Star Wars to Christianity has been done since the 70's (Remember the book The Force of Star Wars?). So this premise wasn't...how to say it...unprecedented but it still came off as lame, stupid and GL's juvenile attempt at trying to have some great cosmic deep meaning to an otherwise up front space opera. Setting that aside, this doesn't even begin to examine the vastly large problems with this movie. Jar Jar Binks. While I'm not a Jar Jar hater (that's just too easy) I do think he would look better on toast with a bit of hollandaise sauce. Seriously though, what bugs me about Jar Jar is that he is an out and out obvious attempt to appeal to kids. I don't mind that these films are not that deep, but I dislike out and out pandering to kids. The OT, while appealing to kids, could also be enjoyed by ALL ages. That is the main thing that the prequels are lacking (among a few other things). And before someone brings up the Ewoks, I'll say that I didn't like them either and for the same reasons. The Ewoks are the main reason that Jedi is my least favorite of the OT. The childish aspect of the movie aside, the next major problem for me is the use of too much CGI. Lots of the shots of Naboo and Thead are really spectacular as well as the Coruscant. I don't mind CGI to replace the use of matte paintings. I do like the more realistic backgrounds for the location shots. However, that is not to say that I find the OT matte paintings to be at all inferior. They work quite well in fact. It's when CGI is used instead of models, puppets or other more tried and true techniques of film making that I have a problem with it. With the prequels GL has totally abandoned the 'scotch tape and popsicle sticks' way of doing things. This is why the OT is and always will be, superior to the prequels. They created more magic than the new films do. I feel that the old and be combined with the new to create vastly enjoyable and entertaining films. Look at Lord of the Rings. GL really needs to take a step back and re-evaluate how he is doing these movies. It strikes me that GL has sacrificed character for pure gloss and glamour. It's almost like were watching Star Wars as seen through a cocaine induced Disco haze. It's all bells and whistles with no substance. Rick McCallum has stated that for the OT George had to 'scarified the elements of the story telling because of the limits of technology at the time.' With TPM and AOTC, George has sacrificed the story telling to show off the technology and it shows. The acting is not the best, but I have seen worse. Jake Lord wasn't, at least to me, too awful but the whole yippee and Wahoo stuff was too much. Natalie Portman is ok and I mean just ok. I've seen her do better. The only real solid actor in TPM for me was Ewen McGregor. And in all honesty, I can't really fault the actors considering what they had to work with. The dialogue is, well not good but not awful either. It's just bad. TPM dialogue is better than AOTC, but we'll get into that in a second. I think that this movie must have looked better on paper and something just got lost in the execution of it. But then again, this is supposed to be the beginning so I really wasn't expecting BIG revelations or anything like that. I figured that would come in the next two films. Which leads me to my next point.
I think, at least for me, the reason that most people don't care what happens to these characters is because we already know their fates. Amidala dies shortly after giving birth or within the first few years, Anakin becomes Darth Vader, Obi-Wan takes Luke and hides on Tatooine, Leia is taken to Alderaan, Darth Sideous/Palpatine becomes Emperor, Yoda escapes to Dagobaugh, the Republic falls, the Empire rises, and the Jedi Knights are all but eliminated. So, knowing how it all turns out, it's kind of hard for me to get too caught up in the fates of characters that I already know what is going to happen to them. There is no mystery. As for the secondary characters like Mace Windu, I can pretty much guess what happens to them. Even if I'm wrong, it's still not enough to really hold my interest. I guess I'm looking at the prequels as nothing more that like a historical movie. It's nice to see how it all happened, but I really can't care about these people and their plight. It's doomed anyway.
Onto AOTC. While, in my opinion, this movie was slightly better than TPM, it wasn't by much. I did like the whole mystery thing going on with Obi-Wan and who ordered the Clone army thing. It was at least something to latch onto to get through the movie. The acting was again very wooden and lifeless. If it weren’t for Ewen McGregor these movies would be worse than they already are. The whole 'romance' between Anakin and Amidala was beyond laughable. Who wrote that God-awful dialogue? It was like watching a bad 80's teen sex movie. No one talks like that. I'm sorry, but I can't take any movie seriously that has lines like 'I've died a little bit everyday since you came back into my life.' Oh phew! Poor, poor Natalie Portman. God, how many takes did it take for her to get that line out with a straight face? The first time I saw the movie, I couldn't believe my ears. I thought to myself, 'no she didn't really say that, did she?' But, of course she did. After the little fireside chat her and Anakin had I should have expected it. To this day I still cringe when I hear that line. I believe that it is the worst line of dialogue that I've ever heard in my life. However, while that in my book is the biggest sin on AOTC, it is by far not the only one. Again, George relied on too much CGI over good character or story. I could have accepted the awful dialogue if I believed in the characters. Since I don't it makes the dialogue all that much worse. In fact, I pretty much found the same things wrong with AOTC that I found with TPM. Too much CGI, poor acting and just a general lack of interest in the story. There is little to nothing for me to 'get into' with the prequels. It's kind of sad. I want to like them more than I do. On the up side, there was less of Jar Jar and at least a somewhat exciting battle at the end. I did like the battle in spite of the fact that it was 99% CGI. Should have used models and stop motion. It was kind of cool to see Yoda kick some butt in spite of the fact that it looked so damn fake. I'm sorry, but it did.
Finally, I'd just like to say that I don't think the OT is perfect either. I think Jedi is the weakest of the three. But even that awful dialogue between Luke, Leia and Han in the Ewok village just can't compare to the mind numbing lines that we are forced to hear in AOTC. But as always, these are just my opinions.