Thanks Haraldo for the VERY through review. I really appreciate it :)
- In the beginning of the film Nute Gunray (if that's him) assures everyone that "this blockade is perfectly legal". Now, I feel like this part of the sentence is completely unnecessary. It's like telling a police officer that it's safe to come in, that there's no weed in your basement... It just doesn't make any sense. :/
I've seen this on a couple of other edits and considered it. There are a few reasons why I chose to keep it:
1. The sentence/conversation doesn't flow as well without it.
2. I tried to remove as much as possible without affecting the pacing of the film. This casual conversation helps ease into the edit, without too much happening too fast.
3. The crawl states that the Jedi were secretly dispatched, meaning that the Trade Federation was not expecting them. Thus, it was a very similar situation to the "I don't have any drugs, officer" statement. When the cops come knocking, you panic.
- The line "They must be dead by now. Kill what's left of them". Again - it's unnecessary. Those droids are already taking action. It seems like you can easily remove that scene and cut to the chase.
Also, have you considered perhaps removing the whole droid and blast-door scenario completely? Like, right after the "gas scene" you could just cut to that dude saying "Sir, they went up the ventilation shaft" and then show Obi and Qui-Gon jump into the hangar. I don't know how well it would work, but it might be worth a try...
Your going to find my answer very similar to a lot of these questions :P
The short dialogue breaks in the action keep pacing down slightly. Even though the dialogue is cheesy, I feel that it is important to keep it.
This hour long edit could potentially suffer from one really big drawback - feeling like an hour long edit. I want to maintain the feel of an entire film, which often includes stupid things like this...
- In the scene where they're trying to get past the blockade, R2 pushes Jar-Jar and he says "How rude!". It would be very cool if you could simply mute that motherfucker. He ruins the mood and pacing of the scene.
I hadn't considered that. I'll take a look and see if I can do that without it looking too awkward. Though it would be cool just to have R2 kinda saying "Get the hell out of my way"
- @17:47 in the desert, right after they leave the ship to look for parts, Jar-Jar says something like "The sun is doing a murder to missa skin"... I would like to see that line removed. I mean, I have nothing against Jar-Jar being a bit clumsy - it's understandable, since it's not his natural environment - but every time he opens his mouth it's beyond annoying...
- Jar-Jar showing his tongue to Qui-Gon. It's just stupid. Leave the clumsiness, but remove that tongue scene if you can.
I actually was going the opposite direction with this. I was going to remove the pit droid sequence and leave these lines. I want you to know Jar Jar is there, but not have him ever be too much of a main focus. Also, the pit droid sequence cuts into the Anakin/Padme conversation awkwardly. As it is the only moment for them I left in, I feel its important to make it come across as strongly as possible.
- After Qui-Gon makes the deal with Vatto, there's a scene where Obi and Jin talk on the phone and Obi says something like "What if this plan fails?". It would be interesting if you could put that scene before the one where Qui-Gon makes the deal. It would show us that Qui-Gon actually respects Obi-Wan's opinion, that he's not just doing it on his own.
I'll take a look at this, and it may work out really well. However, i think that while Qui Gon trusts Obi Wan, he has more of a mentor/student relationship with him than the friendship Anakin and Obi-Wan have later. Thus he listens to his ideas, but doesn't truly take them into account.
- All that Yoda's "fear leads to this and that" bullshit line should be removed. Anakin gets asked weather he's afraid or not, but instead of letting him go nuts you could just have him stare at Yoda and then insert the "I sense much fear in you" line.
I personally like that line. It's a driving point in the whole series, and is actually narratively helpful for my Hour edits trilogy.
- Every mention of Anakin being "too old" should definitely be removed. Dude's just a child - how younger should he be? Him being dangerous, or his future looking too cloudy should be the main reason why Jedi order is so hesitant.
The biggest point for him being too old is that he has been able to grow up and form attachments. I know its not stated, but with that in mind I don't mind it so much.
- NOW THIS! This I think is an important one:
After Qui-Gon asks if "he will be trained then" - Sam Jackson's just chillin' there and answers "No". Then, after a very awkward scene, they all decide to just leave this conversation for later. Now... what the hell, man? Why are they changing their minds like that? And why is everyone on the council such a douche-wad?
The best solution for this, I think, is to just cut to Yoda saying "Young Skywalker's fate will be decided later" right after Qui-Gon asks if "He will be trained then?" It leaves us guessing, it spares an awkward scene and makes the council look better.
I will consider this. To me, the council is saying no to Anakin being trained "traditionally", like the children you see in episode 2 being taught as a class. This isn't a strict, "he won't be a jedi." Otherwise, Qui-Gon could not have responded "I take him as my Padawan... ".
And the council doesn't look so much bad as in opposition to Qui Gon, which is a driving point to Qui Gon's character. It is ultimately a driving point for Obi-Wan as well, who is pushed by his trust of his master to take on Anakin as an apprentice. Otherwise, there is no true logical reason why Anakin wouldn't have been trained by someone else more experienced.
- If you remove The Autopilot, it makes Anakin a much stronger character. Like he really knows stuff about space-ships and just wants to help and get in on action, without Autopilot guiding the way.
I like that Anakin can be shown in this light actually. You already saw him in the podrace completely sure of himself and in control. The Autopilot adds a little more humanity to him, and the way I edited it he still flies pretty well on his own once it is turned off.
- Ending.
Well, that was unexpected! XD But, if I may suggest, that scene is not powerful enough. You could try and remove that one and insert Qui-Gon's funeral instead. Cause it's basically the same thing - we find out that Anakin's gonna be a Jedi (Obi even promises him) and on top of that we hear some chatter about Sith starting shit up again. We hear some new information that keeps us intrigued.
The problem with the funeral is that it gives away too much when it come to Palpatine. Also, Boss Nass is there, so I'd have to cut any shots he's in. And it confuses me why Jedi would be discussing something this important and serious where others can overhear.
And that's it! That's all I got!
I'm sorry if there are some spelling mistakes or if I'm not being very clear - English isn't my 1st language. But I really hope this helps and I'm very much looking forward to your next project.
Good luck!
Your English is great, I wouldn't have even guessed!
I did have one question. How does the Podrace flow? it's completely redone and reorganized. I'm guessing it worked alright since you didn't mention it, but I was still curious.
And I'm pretty sure that I am going to do all three prequels: The Phantom Hour, Attack of the Hour, and Hour of the Sith. Should be a nice little actual Prequel to the OT if you were going for a Marathon (rather than a seperate story altogehter) :-)