Ok, so I just finished watching The New Version of this Fan-Edit and right away I'll say that this is better than V1. Don't get me wrong, the 1st one was interesting (in a very good way), but this 2nd version has a lot more improvements. Like, there are no midi-chlorians in this edit, for example. That I very much appreciated!
Now, before I start talking about the bad things and suggesting stuff - I want you to know that I really like this edit and I feel like there's a lot of potential here. Ok? Ok!
So...
- In the beginning of the film Nute Gunray (if that's him) assures everyone that "this blockade is perfectly legal". Now, I feel like this part of the sentence is completely unnecessary. It's like telling a police officer that it's safe to come in, that there's no weed in your basement... It just doesn't make any sense. :/
- The line "They must be dead by now. Kill what's left of them". Again - it's unnecessary. Those droids are already taking action. It seems like you can easily remove that scene and cut to the chase.
Also, have you considered perhaps removing the whole droid and blast-door scenario completely? Like, right after the "gas scene" you could just cut to that dude saying "Sir, they went up the ventilation shaft" and then show Obi and Qui-Gon jump into the hangar. I don't know how well it would work, but it might be worth a try...
- In the scene where they're trying to get past the blockade, R2 pushes Jar-Jar and he says "How rude!". It would be very cool if you could simply mute that motherfucker. He ruins the mood and pacing of the scene.
- @17:47 in the desert, right after they leave the ship to look for parts, Jar-Jar says something like "The sun is doing a murder to missa skin"... I would like to see that line removed. I mean, I have nothing against Jar-Jar being a bit clumsy - it's understandable, since it's not his natural environment - but every time he opens his mouth it's beyond annoying...
- Jar-Jar showing his tongue to Qui-Gon. It's just stupid. Leave the clumsiness, but remove that tongue scene if you can.
- After Qui-Gon makes the deal with Vatto, there's a scene where Obi and Jin talk on the phone and Obi says something like "What if this plan fails?". It would be interesting if you could put that scene before the one where Qui-Gon makes the deal. It would show us that Qui-Gon actually respects Obi-Wan's opinion, that he's not just doing it on his own.
- All that Yoda's "fear leads to this and that" bullshit line should be removed. Anakin gets asked weather he's afraid or not, but instead of letting him go nuts you could just have him stare at Yoda and then insert the "I sense much fear in you" line.
- Every mention of Anakin being "too old" should definitely be removed. Dude's just a child - how younger should he be? Him being dangerous, or his future looking too cloudy should be the main reason why Jedi order is so hesitant.
- NOW THIS! This I think is an important one:
After Qui-Gon asks if "he will be trained then" - Sam Jackson's just chillin' there and answers "No". Then, after a very awkward scene, they all decide to just leave this conversation for later. Now... what the hell, man? Why are they changing their minds like that? And why is everyone on the council such a douche-wad?
The best solution for this, I think, is to just cut to Yoda saying "Young Skywalker's fate will be decided later" right after Qui-Gon asks if "He will be trained then?" It leaves us guessing, it spares an awkward scene and makes the council look better.
- If you remove The Autopilot, it makes Anakin a much stronger character. Like he really knows stuff about space-ships and just wants to help and get in on action, without Autopilot guiding the way.
- Ending.
Well, that was unexpected! XD But, if I may suggest, that scene is not powerful enough. You could try and remove that one and insert Qui-Gon's funeral instead. Cause it's basically the same thing - we find out that Anakin's gonna be a Jedi (Obi even promises him) and on top of that we hear some chatter about Sith starting shit up again. We hear some new information that keeps us intrigued.
And that's it! That's all I got!
I'm sorry if there are some spelling mistakes or if I'm not being very clear - English isn't my 1st language. But I really hope this helps and I'm very much looking forward to your next project.
Good luck!