A husband and a wife sit in a restaurant.
Suddenly, the wife spills the soup over her dress, and laments: "Oh no, I look like a pig!"
The husband replies: "Yes, and you've spilled your soup."

...

A Rabbi arrives in town, and seemingly in great hurry, asks a passerby:
"Can you tell me where the synagogue is?"
The passerby replies: "It's on the 31st street."
Shocked and confused, the Rabbi exclaims: "But that's where the town brothel is!"
"No, the brothel is on the 26th."
Relieved, the Rabbi replies: "Ah, thank you!"

Two necrophiles walk past a graveyard.
One of them says to the other: "Hey, let's have a couple cold ones!"

(Yea, all three shamelessly ripped off.)