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Post #513090

Author
DuracellEnergizer
Parent topic
The Crawl
Link to post in topic
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/513090/action/topic#513090
Date created
12-Jul-2011, 1:58 AM

Mrebo said:

DuracellEnergizer,

I like your crawl with many good adjectives! And sets up the first scene very well. I can't help but feel the first paragraph repeats itself a little but definitely captures the hyperbolic style.


Yeah, too many "wars" in one space. I've got to rewrite that part a little bit.