Okay, putting my crawl where my mouth is (that sounds terrible):

The Galactic Republic is in turmoil. A growing number of planets threaten to secede as the Republic demands greater power in the name of peace and prosperity.

The mysterious Jedi warriors who have long protected the Republic are now viewed with suspicion by those who oppose the Republic's growing reach.

Jedi Knight Obi Wan Kenobi makes his way to the capitol planet of Coruscant in hopes of finding a solution that will save the Republic....

-------◊-------

I think I've respected most of the lessons I learned. My adjective use is weak and will probably try to work on that, though I think it reads well. What I need to address is the very vague last paragraph. I need to figure out what lone Jedi Obi Wan is doing (apparently even he has no idea). My story is developing (I wish I was better at outlining) and it centers on (as said in the crawl) attempts to control member planets. The focus

of the story is an attempt by the Republic to control galactic military power. I need to make Obi Wan's intention on that matter more clear....

DuracellEnergizer,

I like your crawl with many good adjectives! And sets up the first scene very well. I can't help but feel the first paragraph repeats itself a little but definitely captures the hyperbolic style.