Revenge Of The Cut - Star Wars: Revenge Of The Sith (* unfinished project *) — Page 14

Mithrandir said:

Palpatine's laughter doesn't fit. The emperor

you're right it's too much, I will cut this

fishmanlee said:

 so it doesnt sound so mish mashy?

the "mish mash effect" comes from one thing : the orchestration and programmation are not achieved (that's why I noticed : it's rough ; )  )

I don't know yet what I'll do with this sequence

New perception of Dagobah V2 :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5ov1ByxUbc

The first half works a lot better now in my opinion. There is something about Yoda's agreeable grunt "hmmm" though. It sounds kinda annoyed? Anyway that's nitpicking. As always I'll leave you with a big thumbs up. You're (one of) the only editor(s) who's this engaged/capable audio wise, I like it!

The Cutter said:

New perception of Dagobah V2 :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5ov1ByxUbc

That's even better. Great work.

Much better.  Suggestions:

1. By having Qui-Gon start with "This planet is both..." after an establishing shot of Polis Massa, it makes it sound like he's talking about Massa.  "The planet will be both..." would make sense.  Otherwise it confuses the viewer.

2. Remove the "Unlike any other".  Have Qui-Gon talking during that panning shot, but instead of having him rudely interrupted, simply have no dialogue during the shot in which Bail enters, as if that angle is from Bail's perspective audio-wise.  It would feel less abrupt and disjointed.

3. "A powerful ally" is a nice nod to Vader and Palpatine's conversation in ESB, but there shouldn't be any dialogue when the transition is already in effect.

4. Regarding the Star Destroyer scene... there's no need or reason for Palpatine to be saying "Good".  You can say it's about the Death Star, but it just sounds off.  And if it's to Tarkin, well, there's no indication Tarkin is talking.  I think there should be no dialogue at least until Vader crosses his arms, in which he can say "Obi-Wan will die".

Loconut said:

 There is something about Yoda's agreeable grunt "hmmm" though. It sounds kinda annoyed?

 True - I took the first clean  "hmmm" I found...I will look for another

rpvee said:

 I think there should be no dialogue at least until Vader crosses his arms, in which he can say "Obi-Wan will die".

 I like it, I will see how it works, but I would keep the : "leave us captain"

here is a new one : " I am glad you chose to serve"

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XGizn14Lus

I like it that you made the dialogue more extensive. It certainly adds to the feeling. Though putting it so at the beginning doesn't feel very star warsy.

I'd put it after we see the jedi fighters, when they're doing all those acrobacies, just to boost the feeling of them feeling comfortable in a war scenario, that they are in a good mood.

The dialogue feels very cutted (maybe some fade in/out FX to solve this?). Apart from that. there seems to be an EQ thing, maybe increase the radio feeling/interference a little more?

Just to increase the feeling of "good mood"....

Obi:  Take a deep breath. May the force be with you (this is like "we're going in")

Annie:  Don't worry... I'm glad that you chose to serve master.

Obi:  (Something ObiWansy)

Annie: Hey hey, no wise jokes (?) (from the elevator scene)

Obi:I didn't say anything!

Annie: (suddenly cutting the friendly dialogue) Master, General Grievous's ship is directly ahead. 

-----------------------------------------------

Ok, so what could be defined as a ObiWansy line... Something ironic, sophisticated and british.

Considering it's just an audio line, with the "radio interference effect", I think (though you're the audio expert here), that you could freely use Clone Wars series dialogue (even if it's not E. McGregor), there might be very useful stuff there. (CloneWars fans, help us here!)... or maybe some deleted scene of ObiWan from the cinema saga could be useful too. It's just about researching a little (like it casually happened with the I'm glad that you chose to serve line)

But in case you don't find it, the line always on the move could use... it'd be just ironic with Anakin like "hey there's a war, we all know you (Anakin) wouldn't be sitting at home".

That's good, just needs to sound a bit smoother.  And you completely ignored my other points.

Mithrandir said:

I like it that you made the dialogue more extensive. It certainly adds to the feeling. Though putting it so at the beginning doesn't feel very star warsy.

I'd put it after we see the jedi fighters, when they're doing all those acrobacies, just to boost the feeling of them feeling comfortable in a war scenario, that they are in a good mood.

I agree with this.  Maybe start the dialogue right when we first see the star fighters so we know where it's coming from.  Hopefully you could time it so Obi-Wan says "May the force be with you" right before they make the downwards turn into the battle.

A "may the force be with us all" would rock... again, CloneWars material might be helpful

rpvee said:

That's good, just needs to sound a bit smoother.  And you completely ignored my other points.

it is difficult for me to answer everything, but I take note of everything I read and make change if possible and if I like it ; )

When I did the video (I did it and I deleted it, Vaderios might still have it), I put the dialogue in the shot when the camera starts to get closer to the fighters (and when the music isn't that significant). You know, when we're by here 0:37 taking the following video as a reference.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cU0BYXlTuI

Or maybe a couple of minutes before Anakin's line "General Grievous's ship is directly ahead". 

-------------------------------------

Another idea: considering the camera is constantly getting closer and further from the ships, you could synchronize the dialogue lines everytime the ships get closer to the camera, for example, at

0:37

0:44

0:50 

And I think you could risk a "May the Force be with you, Anakin"... or if possible, "May the force be with us" at 0:22-23, just to preserve the sense of what you were trying to do, and with such a classical phrase as MTFBWY, I think you wouldn't be ruining the music (if it's just that line until the next camera approach at 0:37).

This way you might not need to do a coherent dialogue, since the spectator would get the feeling that the dialogue is still going on (though they can't hear it) while the ships are distant from the camera. I'm not sure if this last tactic could work....

"I know...."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hT0dGhw8zKM

Is that from Jumper? lol.  It's ok... needs some work, it's a bit rough.

I'd remove the lines "are you threatening me master Jedi? Not yet." It just doesn't work in this edit, nor it doesn't in Bob's or in George Lucas, it just feels to rushed. I think when Palpatine told Anakin he was the Sith, he already knew that eventually the Jedi would be come and overthrow him, so it's pointless that Palpatine was playing his good guy card till the very end.

Besides it's too rushed how he switches from smiling (cinically ofc) to anger in "you're here sooner than I expected - Are you threatening me?". And Mace's answer is just incoherent.

Are you threatening me? Not yet.... that'd be "I'll threat you", while it should be "I'll kill you".

But it's an excellent line what you've found, and by it's own meaning it could be used to imply that Anakin never told him. Or that he told him late.

I'd put it like

Windu enters, switches on his saber.

Palpatine turns in his chair, still smiling and says :

Palpatine: "Master Windu (...) you're here sooner than I expected"

Windu: "I know who you are... I know what you are" 

Palpatine: (laughter) I AM THE SENATE

Windu: Not yet.

Fight.

Cheers

But you must take in consideration one important thing : I need a free place to put : " I know who you are...."   and the only place is when Palpatine gets up - This limits the possibilities

and yes it's from Jumper : )

Then you could just cut the "are you threatening me master Jedi - Not yet" dialogue. And leave it

-You're sooner than I expected

(Sabre igniting) - I know who you are, (Palpatine starts to stand up) I know what you are...

- It's treason then.

Unless of course you are very convinced of the Are you threatening me line. 

There's a thing at the very beg¡nning, windu just apears in a shot from nowhere. Check 0:12 - 0:14

Also, I remember a critique I had of the scene before was that you hear the sound of Windu taking out his saber, when he clearly doesn't move.  I suggest you have only the sound of the saber igniting, not him handling the hilt.

Mithrandir said:

There's a thing at the very beg¡nning, windu just apears in a shot from nowhere. Check 0:12 - 0:14

 to solve this I need someone to clean the previous shot (when Mace arrives with the three fu..ers)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlLMEsPY_YU

I like it a lot better :)

greenpenguino said:

There needs to be a little bit of a gap between the 'I know what you are' and 'It's treason, then' 

it's true :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LZ4jgMLMqQ