Mithrandir said:

I like it that you made the dialogue more extensive. It certainly adds to the feeling. Though putting it so at the beginning doesn't feel very star warsy.

I'd put it after we see the jedi fighters, when they're doing all those acrobacies, just to boost the feeling of them feeling comfortable in a war scenario, that they are in a good mood.

I agree with this. Maybe start the dialogue right when we first see the star fighters so we know where it's coming from. Hopefully you could time it so Obi-Wan says "May the force be with you" right before they make the downwards turn into the battle.