I like it that you made the dialogue more extensive. It certainly adds to the feeling. Though putting it so at the beginning doesn't feel very star warsy.

I'd put it after we see the jedi fighters, when they're doing all those acrobacies, just to boost the feeling of them feeling comfortable in a war scenario, that they are in a good mood.

The dialogue feels very cutted (maybe some fade in/out FX to solve this?). Apart from that. there seems to be an EQ thing, maybe increase the radio feeling/interference a little more?

Just to increase the feeling of "good mood"....

Obi: Take a deep breath. May the force be with you (this is like "we're going in")

Annie: Don't worry... I'm glad that you chose to serve master.

Obi: (Something ObiWansy)

Annie: Hey hey, no wise jokes (?) (from the elevator scene)

Obi:I didn't say anything!

Annie: (suddenly cutting the friendly dialogue) Master, General Grievous's ship is directly ahead.

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Ok, so what could be defined as a ObiWansy line... Something ironic, sophisticated and british.

Considering it's just an audio line, with the "radio interference effect", I think (though you're the audio expert here), that you could freely use Clone Wars series dialogue (even if it's not E. McGregor), there might be very useful stuff there. (CloneWars fans, help us here!)... or maybe some deleted scene of ObiWan from the cinema saga could be useful too. It's just about researching a little (like it casually happened with the I'm glad that you chose to serve line)

But in case you don't find it, the line always on the move could use... it'd be just ironic with Anakin like "hey there's a war, we all know you (Anakin) wouldn't be sitting at home".