A little color correction to match the sunset colors, a longer establishing shot of the balcony, and this could work brilliantly. Perhaps the background behind Padme could be made more futuristic looking as well. I like the music as is, though I'm sure you could do a nice mix that might suit it better. I wonder how you'll deal with the scene where Bail says he'll take Leia?

If you are doing away with dying in childbirth, maybe it might be possible to change Anakin's dream so that he just sees her death and not how it happens. That way it is still a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you are doing away with his vision then you just have to cut it so Anakin says "You died." instead of "You died in childbirth."