I don't know if you guys recall the Chateau Bingowings Hosepipe Mystery of about a year ago but the fiend has struck again!

This time stealing my battered cheap generic lawnmower, it cost me about £30 with a strimmer about six years ago and it's been worked until the poor thing was practically on it's last legs any way so what they hope to achieve by stealing it is anyone's guess.

The lady up the the road had some French booze stolen out of her hut.

Why couldn't they steal some French booze out of mine?

They'd have to put it there first and then steal it but I feel like a lower class of victim.

My nice neighbour lent me his petrol driven mower, I'd never used one before.

Weighed a tone it did and it could get in into the corners like my crumbly old machine.

I used to call him Patrick.

Poor Patrick, I'm going to miss you pal.