I've been working this out for a while; I've finally found the actual fucking answer. Case closed.
Take an average Picker for example. This is how it breaks down.... Assuming X is the subject in question appearing as he would naturally, Y being a factor of junk drunk, and A being how X would look when filmed or photographed - it would look something like this:
X = X
BUT
A = X * (Mikey / Y)
It's tough to understand but this visual makes it way, way easier.
Here's a rough example of X (just a quick cap but it'll still make the point):
Now when taking everything into account here's how X would actually appear:
