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SW - Episode 1 - "An Old Foe" - Restructured Beginning (* unfinished project *)

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 (Edited)

After being a fan of previous fanedit’s, though not completely satisfied (not that I will ever be), I thought I would throw my hat into the ring, and begin constructing my own Phantom Menace fanedit.

I always thought there was an interesting story, in all the prequels, but too many moments that pulled you out of the film, for one reason or another.

One of my main goals, with the Phantom Menace, was to completely restructure the opening 20 minutes. When I first saw the film, I wanted so hard to like it, but the first 20 minutes, just put me in a bad mood. Jar Jar, underground city, wooden acting.<span> </span> So I decided to just concentrate on the invasion of Naboo, the capture of the queen, the rescue of the queen. The Jedi don’t appear till they rescue Amidala. <span> </span>The rest of the film will be edited similarly to other fanedits, the usual cuts. Jar Jar excess, Anakin Yelps, and other moments that pull you out of the film. But, I will probably be a little more lenient with Anakin and Jar Jar, than other editors.

I have the first 15 minutes of a “rough” cut below. The audio needs some more tweaking, and I don’t know what happened with the color when I uploaded it to youtube, but you will get the idea of what I did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umsnbSm3xCY

Oh and ignore the French Titles, apparently when I ripped the data from the disc, I took the French Language one… who knew?

My “New” Titles are below.

Star Wars

An Old Foe

“Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republic.

Incensed, at the taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems, the Trade Federation has seized the peaceful planet of Naboo with a blockade of deadly warships.

While the Republic Senate endlessly debates the legalities of the blockade, the Supreme Chancellor has secretly dispatched two Jedi Knights, to settle the conflict…”

<span>Comments and Opinions are greatly appreciated.</span>

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It’s an interesting idea – introducing the Jedi that way. Can’t remember any other TPM edit going about things that way. The obvious problem it seems to me: the Jedi are the main characters of the movie, so they should have a proper introduction, and ideally (if you follow the ‘rules’ of scriptwriting) they should be introduced pretty much at the very start of the movie. Although Lucas broke that rule with Luke in ANH, so clearly it’s not a rule you can’t break and get away with.

The main issue I imagine it would create is Jar Jar: without any of his introduction scenes, who is this cartoon rabbit following the Jedi around?

I also wonder, if you’re gonna run with this concept, whether you should change the opening crawl to take out all mentions of the Jedi coming to the Queen’s rescue – to really increase the tension, the sense of all being lost, until – BAM! – they jump down and go lightsabering and save the day.

And, totally off-topic, I browsed your Youtube channel and saw you like The Kinks’ “20th Century Man”. Muswell Hillbillies is one of favourite albums of all time, so that made me smile. =)

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Amidala is pretty much the focus of the first PT film, Qui-Gon is the second most prominent character with Obi-Wan and Anakin in equal third place.

That's why I suggested starting the film on Coruscant and having Amidala and Representative Binks going back to Naboo in a probably doomed attempt to kick the Feds off their world with the Jedi as observers.

That way the film flows in one direction and Anakin is picked up into the party in much the same way that Han and Chewie are in ANH when the Queen's ship is attacked on route by Darth Maul's ship.

All the throne room stuff could happen with the Queen being the jammed hologram.

The Queen represents the Naboo in the Senate so it makes sense that she would be on Corsuscant when the invasion takes place.

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@daneditor - Thanks for the comments. One of the issues I struggled with was Jar Jar. But, in the end I thought that the flow was more important than the "why" a goofy, big-eared character is hanging around two jedi. That is one of the reasons I left in the scene with Padme and Jar Jar on the cruiser, he essentially explains how he got caught up in this. I like the Crawl idea, will play around with that. Oh, and the Kinks are one of, if not, my favorite bands ever!

The goal of this thing was to make it similar in structure to OT Star Wars. Including, more OT music. But, it still needs to be a coherent and good film. I will post the whole cut list and restructuring when I get a rough cut of the whole film. This is not something I was just gonna do in one week and post, this was something that I planned on doing multiple passes at over many months. This 2nd part is alot more difficult than the 1st, because of 3PO and midichlorians, both are being cut.

 @Bingowings - Brilliant idea, but far beyond my skills at this point.

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blakeyamc said:

@Bingowings - Brilliant idea, but far beyond my skills at this point.

You will get used to posting this.

;-)

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 (Edited)

Well, I finished the rough cut of the film. It ended up being  1 hour and 48 minutes long, down from 2:16. Obviously, most of that time was cut from the beginning of the film. A full list of cuts and changes is below. Most of the cuts are small and hopefully, imperceptible.  At least to anyone who hasn’t seen this film a hundred times. Jar Jar and Anakin’s annoying aspects, at least IMHO, have been scaled back enough that they are still apart of the film, but without the excess. There is so little character development in the film, I needed to keep as many character moments as possible. The one scene I am having an issue with, is the stupid scene of Anakin fixing the Pod, with the local kids and Jar Jar. If you cut straight from Qui Gon and Shmi, talking about Anakin, straight to Qui Gon giving Anakin the power supply, it doesn’t really work. But, I will continue messing with it.

Cuts

The arrival of the “Ambassadors”

The attempted murder and escape of the “Ambassadors”

The meeting of the Jedi and Jar Jar.

Underground Gungan City.

The Neimodians warning of the Jedi to Darth Sidious.

Pinaka Obvious Dialogue - (“Looks Pretty Bad”, “if we can’t get the shield generator fixed we’ll be sitting ducks”)

Other Redundant, dialogue. (“You pick up things pretty quick”.)

Tatooine  Scenes- Various small cuts and changes throughout. Jar jar antics reduced or sometimes moved to rear channel so you can hear he is being a moron, you just don’t see it. Anakin “Sandstorms are(beat)  very (beat)  very dangerous.”

Pod Race – Removed Announcers from Center Channel , so dialogue is there but, as if it’s only in the stadium. Some other small cuts.

OT Music – Added to Jedi rescue of Amidala, dinner table scene, and pod race.

Midicholorians and C-3PO – Gone.

Anakin and Padme – Cut; “My caring for you will remain” “I am sure her heart goes with you”.

Coruscant Scenes  - “He is too Old” I like Mace just saying, “No He will not be trained”. “that’s why you know liken us, meesa thinks”

Naboo  and the Gungans– It cuts from Padme asking for help to the Neimodians and Darth Sidious, so you don’t know if they agreed to help or not.  

 The battle plan – Still in, but cut a bit. I don’t really like the scene, but it does mirror the scene in Star Wars before the attack on the death star.

Final Battle – Moved up the introduction of Darth Maul and moved back the droid army. It works pretty well in my opinion. Obi wan’s flip has been sped up, so you don’t get that beat where Maul looks at Obi-Wan like a moron.

 

Don’t know how to end the thing. Don’t like the finale with the celebration, but ending on Palpatine, creates an audio problem. Quiet Emperor theme, then “bam”’ Directed by George Lucas. I will continue to play with that.

 

Adds

Probe Droid Scene

Dream Sequence – I am working on a dream sequence for Anakin, similar to the ones in the other prequels, before being woken up by Padme, using the Dawn before the Race deleted scene.        

 

Next Steps

Color Correction.

ADR- Neimodians- New dialougue, so they appear like a powerful organization, not some idiots being used by Sidious. Like Lando being used by Vader. All Aliens - will speak a native tongue when talking amongst themselves and broken english, when speaking to a human.

5.1 Sound – This should be fun, playing with 5.1 is a pain.

MAYBE -Lightsabers – Recreate all the sabers, to look more like the OT (No points on the end, add flicker).

 

I am using a MAC and Final Cut Pro, which seems to be pretty rare on this site, any help or suggestions is always welcome.

I will post another section of the rough cut, maybe the end, tonight or tomorrow.

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As TPM is probably my favorite PT film, I enjoy checking out the multitude of edits made of it.  Please keep us posted on how this is progressing.  I'd love to see the end product.