I like your changes. Cutting away superflous stuff is a necessity in this case. I also wondered wether to do that myself in some cases but since you don't know Italian I thought it would be best to leave this decision to you and faithfully translate every single line of dialogue.

Afterall every DVD contains "shortened" subtitles. Compared to normal movies we actually kept a great deal of the spoken lines.

As for the "Which one of these two stays?", obviously the description of what appears on screen has to be kept! I guess we have to sacrifice the hologram's line even if a casual watcher might be wondering what he said there.

Later I'll have a look at it myself.