Pagz said:

That dialogue was from one of the "tone poem" commercials that ran during the marketing campaign for episode I. They're available on the special features disc under trailers and TV spots.

It has the beginning of something really special there.

You might want to pinch some Batman Begins mentoring dialogue (if you can make it not particularly noticeable) to to iron out the folds.

Perhaps a few pitch changes in the trailer dialogue could make it match more with the slightly more energetic delivery of the original dialogue bookending it would make the blend seem more seamless.

Are there any shots of Anakin's face (especially his eyes) in the film that could be used to create cut away shots to break up the choppiness (which I imagine isn't going to be in the final edit anyway)?

I hope some room for Maul's "tone poem" can be found too (especially in the duel).

Light saber duels for me have always been more about what's going on in the character's heads and yet in TPM there is no dialogue to get even a glimpse into what the characters are thinking or feeling during that battle.

I know some people like that but for me it turned the whole thing into a dance routine.

All the tone poems have something to offer (if only the film lived up to them) but Maul's balances out what Yoda says about fear and there is so little Maul dialogue to play with.