If your first scene is Dagobah your last paragraph should be about Luke.

If you first scene is Leia entering the Palace you last paragraph should be about her.

If your first scene is Vader arriving at the Death Star you last paragraph should be about that.

You should then restructure the text to funnel down to that point which is where the audience steps into the story.

Remember rescuing Han is only the first act the bulk of the story takes place after that and the crawl sets up the whole film not just the first act but it should lead into the first scene.

I can understand your attraction to starting with the personal but it breaks the form of the crawls upsets the tone.

If you lead people in with the general and then end on the specific you set up the experience for the audience.

The theatrical crawl doesn't work because where as the other crawls start with epic sweep and end on the first scene, the original crawl starts with almost a soap opera intro and ends with things of galactic importance.

Are you removing Luke's pursuing the truth from Yoda on his death bed?

Because if you are not you should maintain the uncertainty of Luke's paternity up until that scene.

The crawl shouldn't make a scene in the film redundant, if Luke knows why would he ask?