"If God had meant women to play ball he would have made them men"
"That must be your mother tell her I said oink"
"Why can't the world die Peg?"
"Gee officer if I thought my wife was missing would I be hanging out in a bar drinking this beer"
"God I hate Christmas. Mall filled with women and children. All I hear is I want that give me that and then theres the children"
"Your in NO MA'AMS land now baby"
"I'm almost a human being goddammit"