Without a doubt, the worst movie ever made.: "Enemy Mind"

ENEMY MIND

This is worse than anything by Uwe Boll. This is worse than 3 hours of Jar Jar Binks singing. It sounds like it was written by a twelve year old, acted by guys who couldn't make it playing trees in the third grade play, and edited by someone who had never seen a movie before.

Here's a link to the video-on-demand of it on Amazon. For two bucks you can have your mind BLOWN with awfulness beyond your imagination.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00444YOQ4/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_3?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=B003WUYO66&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0XRQHXHYBE72YZ98KFYK

I am not exaggerating. I saw this flick because it was in my local video store, with a little sign that said "SHOT LOCALLY" at the nearby Salton Sea. Curious I checked it out. Now I have to rub icy-hot on my eyeballs to heal some of the hurt.

SPOILERS FOLLOW

I declare this the worst film ever made, based on that it is so bad I would give them a "D" if they were in my old Junior High video production class, and that's because the principal told me not to give "F"s for completed projects.

I would dismiss it totally and not even call it a real movie except that

• it has the voice of Ernest Borgnine, and was apparently done union.
• Somehow got into video-stores and at least on festival.

I could write all day about this movie sucking. To save myself the effort, I will write 10 points of terribleness, and consider myself expunged

1. Editing is terrible. Repeated actions, accidental frame flashes, continuity errors in probably 2/3 of all cuts. Most YouTube videos are better edited.
2. Production values 1. This is a low budget sci-fi flick. But in a scene where they find TIN CANS on the ground, the framing doesn't show the ground in order to hide that they didn't bother to have tin cans on set.
3. Production values 2. The hidden "Terrorist base" they go to is someone's tastefully decorated living room with tarps on the walls.
4. Production values 3. One of the character's shirt doesn't fit, giving his tubby white belly an appearance whenever he moves his arms.
5. The frame changes sizes. Apparently they zoomed in digitally on some shots, resulting in the letterboxes changing size.
6. Special Effects- 1. The spaceship on fire actually has the fire LEAVE THE FRAME AND GO OVER THE LETTER BOX!!
7. Special Effects 2- At the end a character with his eye burnt out has a digital "black" thing over his eye that totally fails to track with his motions. A smear of charcoal would have been better.
8. Dialogue- The Prisoner character says a line, and then immediately repeats that same line probably 3/4 of the times he speaks.
9. This is petty, but stupid screen names. The actors are XU RAZER and RYKEN ZANE! And the editor is BRIAN DELIZAREUX. Zane and Delizareux are actually the same dude, real name Brian Neil.
10. The acting. One of the two characters screams the entire movie. The other guy sounds really stoned. Ernest Borgnine is only a voice over, but he actually says "over" at the end of everyline, which got funny after a while.

In closing, if you hate yourself or want to make a drinking game, give this a view. Otherwise go rent "In The Name of the King" "The Room" and "Charlie St. Cloud" and enjoy real quality film.

ps.

here's the IMDB page, just to prove this movie exists.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1670229/

So, if it's worse than The Room, does that mean it is actually better?  And by better, I mean more enjoyable, of course.

Also, I thought you maybe had misspelled Enemy Mine.  Come to think of it, the plot description sounds similar...

All time covers a lot of ground...there must be worse films (I haven't seen every film that has and will ever be made including this one and while there may be a certain subjectivity in any assessment there must be something worse...there must be...surely?).

TV's Frink said:

So, if it's worse than The Room, does that mean it is actually better?  And by better, I mean more enjoyable, of course.

Also, I thought you maybe had misspelled Enemy Mine.  Come to think of it, the plot description sounds similar...

That would have been #11, but I had to go gargle bleach.

So it doesn't go up to 11...too bad.

Bingowings said:

All time covers a lot of ground...there must be worse films

Nope.

PSYCHO_DAYV said:

I DISAGREE WITH IT BEING THE WORST MOVIE OF ALL TIME.

Sorry. Wrong.

Don't mince words Boost what did you really think of the movie :-D

Just saw a rather decent low-budg sci-fi film... "HUNTER PREY" directed by Sandy Collora (notable for making Batman fan-films before this)

It's a Peculiarly similar movie to the aforementiton "Enemy Mind."

A group of aliens carrying a prisoner crash on a desert planet. One alien hunts the prisoner. They talk, try to outsmart eachother, question eachother's politics.

I'm not saying that he copied the film (or vice versa). It seems a case of convergent evolution... similar adaptations to similar problems.

• No money for sets? Shoot in the scenic desert
• No money for actors? Limit it to 2 or 3 people.
• Hard to set up a conflict with just two people? Make it prisoner/hunter. Easy.

And it just goes to show what care and competence can do (Hunter Prey) with very little compared to whackness and superwhackness can do (Enemy Mind).

It's a shame that wasn't mentioned earlier. :p

But I wanted a pony!

You are very very very very, very right.

Well said old man.

You are beginning to exhibit a hitherto submerged mean streak, usually reserved for frustrated Rebel Princesses when addressing prissy protocol droids during stressful situations.

Having a bit of a day?

greenpenguino said:

Ziggy Stardust said:

Well said old man.

Thanks! Now go change your Nappy/Diaper

I think that's what you need to do geezer. ;-)