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...And it's not like I had much of a career ahead of me after that, I mean, who remembers "Reilly: The Ace of Spies?" Ohhhuuuhuuhooow, when will you realize the error of your ways George, and stop picking the festering wound on the psyche of fandom that Star Wars has become? With each re-re-re-release, it becomes more distorted, more revisionist, more--commercial. Most artists accept the shortcomings of their work and move forward. Great art is never finished, only abandoned, or so they say. I say, that is the true mark of talent and restraint. Perhaps that is why you never went on to do much else...trapped forever in the circle, eternally retelling and revising a story that never had anything wrong with it to begin with--even to the point of cranking out three awful new movies to justify yourself. But greed got you in the end didn't it, my old friend?
...Face it George, none of this crap was in your original vision, otherwise, you would have just had Greedo shoot at Han in the first place, without making Han look like Stretch Armstrong. There would be SOME sort of footage of these scenes, however amateurish--some hint of them in the original script. Even your insertion of the Jabba scene is complete shizzle, mah nizzle. Sure, you did actually shoot it during production of ANH, but if Jabba was such a clear part of your "original vision", then why did you shoot it with a Scotsman wearing a pelt? Isn't it true that you didn't have the foggiest about what Jabba actually looked like until well into pre-pro on ROTJ, when a team of artists cranked out dozens of sketches until you pointed your chubby little finger and said "that's him," in your Kermit-like voice?
...AAAHHhhhhh...but what WAS in your original vision, Mr. Lucassss....we get the 'net here on the other side, oh yes...I've seen the outtakes--cheesy scenes of Mark Hamill in a Gilligan hat, wacky music and wobbly robots tooling around the Lars ranch as Luke hangs with his inconsequential buddies and gives a new meaning to the phrase "bad acting." Why don't you put THOSE gems back in? No, those won't even make it to the deleted scenes disk, will they? But wait, let's look at the pre-produciton material. What's this? Why, It's right there in all the concept art--it's you, as Han Solo, with a Marvin Gaye headband, standing next to some chick playing Luke Skywalker! Why not just come out and admit it--you've always wanted to be Han Solo! Why not just get it over with--go on, comp your head into every Harrison Ford shot! We have the technology, why not do it? Harry's already had a full career, he won't miss the royalties! But I sure as hell do, you rat bastard! Do you have any idea what a funeral costs these days? What did you pay that kid who replaced me? Come on, fork it over prequel-boy! AAAARRRGGGHHH! Rattle-Rattle!!! Time is growing short to set things right! You're heading down the road to Seventy at light-speed! But there's still time George! George! Geooooorrrrgeee!!!!.....
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Ahem. OK, now that that's out of my system (and no disrespect to Sebastian Shaw, on the contrary, I think Lucas did a great disrespect by erasing him from the final scenes of ROTJ.)
To be honest, I actually kind of liked some of the 3D battle scenes at the end of ANH. Most of the new stuff really didn't bother me at all, back when they were just the "Special Editions". Well, except for the completely re-shot Jabba's dancing harem scene. The new girls were kind of hot, in a foam-rubbery kind of way, but that was the most blatant "hey, that never happened" sequence. I mean, a lot of the other additions were just cutaways, establishing shots, or inserts of new scenes that could have happened without disrupting the original continuity. But that scene was almost completely re-shot over 20 years later--something that, to my knowledge, has NEVER been done by any other director in history. They even completely redesigned the singer! Poor...uh, what's-her-name.
Anyway, when it was just the Special Editions, everyone assumed it was just something Lucas did for fun, and to help get people back in theaters a scant 3 years after the previous THX re-release...because Lord knows, the man needs ta get PAID! No one thought that Lucas was actually planning to erase the original films as if they'd never existed, or hold them hostage in the Disney Vault for almost a decade, while bestowing the SE's with the status of the Official Original Trilogy. That news was really what soured the SE for me, and from that point on, every replay of the "Greedo Shoots First" scene was like a rusty fork scraping at my spine. ~UUUUHHHHAAAUGGH!!~
I really do think that Lucas may have a mental problem. It's not healthy for an artist to sit and agonize for almost 30 years now, over every detail of every single frame of a trilogy of films, that most of the world LOVED when they originally premiered--to the point of making him a billionaire. It's also not that healthy for a thirty-something fanboy like me to be agonizing over the bastardization of one of my childhood joys, and it really sucks that I can't help it. Every new re-release adds some new slap in the face that I just can't ignore. Hey, I loved the films the way I remembered them. All I want is the best home-viewable version possible with current technology. Go Figure.
The new OT bonus DVDs are much improved over the heavily compressed--er, em--DVD backups I've been watching for the last few years, but I'd much prefer a properly done anamorphic HD transfer now that the format is finally here. Still, I'd rather watch an SD transfer of the OT, than an HD transfer of the SE trilogy--even if they manage to get it RIGHT this time!
I’m not much more than an interpreter, and not very good at telling stories. Well, not at making them interesting, anyway.
