THE VFP Show: Episode #5GA2 (Network note: tonight's episode will resume after the live broadcast of the NBA Finals game three) — Page 3

Welcome back! Our musical guest tonight comes to us all the way from Twoson, Eagleland - this band came to prominence during a world-saving quest by four young children back in 1995; Fifteen years later, they're back and ready to take the music world by storm.

Ladies and gentlemen - let them know you've missed them - it's the reunion performance of the unbeatable quintet in the super cool bus - the RUNAWAY FIVE! CLICK IT AND ROCK YOUR ASS OFF!!

Aw, The Onion?  If Obama had really gone on record saying those quotes, my respect for him would have risen a thousand-fold!  Gotta love a guy with a sense of humor about nuclear armageddon over sports!

Oh, whoops.  A bit late on that.  I'll shush and enjoy the band.

Wow! What a night! I'd like to thank Gaffer Tape and the Runaway Five for making this the best debut any forum talk show host could ever ask for. I'd like to also thank this fine audience - it's been a great atmosphere here at the RRA; I would not like to thank security, Joe McCarthy, and of course, TV's Frink.

Tune in next Tuesday night - we've got a great season lined up here at THE VFP Show and you won't want to miss it! Good night!

Wow.  That was the best three and a half hour long talk show ever!!!

I hope Lazy Lucas, was Lazy liked it.

AM I TOO EARLY?

Welp, it's a good thing that was Kramer and not bkev, the more important guest! 

ANNOUNCER: From downtown Victoria, Texas...

...and to the good folks at OT.com, IT'S! THE VFP Show!

Tonight: one of the great young prodigies in the history of OT.com - BKEV!!

And tonight's special musical guest...one of the great legends of acoustic guitar, LEO KOTTKE!

Plus: say hello to THE VFP Show's house band, Joseph McCarthy and The Accusers!

Ladies and Gentlemen - get off your seat and on your feet: IT'S THE VFP Show!

AND HERE'S YOUR HOST, vote_for_palpatine!!

Fashionably late... after arriving too early.  HEEEEEERRRE'S BKEV!

Hey hey hey hey hey! What's goin' on? You down with VFP? Yeah, you know me!

So...what's happening in the news? We're into day forty-nine of the BP oil spill; this has got, understandably, many concerned. Wildlife is being threatened, the economy is facing setbacks as a result of the spill, and citizens are expressing concern over the percieved lack of response from both BP and the US government. White House spokesman Robert Gibbs called for calm, saying, and I quote, "We've got one of the finest natural petroleum containment specialists available on the case."

So then, I guess everyone can rest easy...see, the guy just took it right out of the ground and they moved to...jeez, who wrote that one?

Umm...so, let's see. Oh, yeah! That's right! I forgot, Joe!

Joran van der Sloot got arrested! Seriously! Apparently, he murdered another some young woman in Peru. Strangled her to death.

Yep. And he's agreed to take police on a walkthrough the crime, but Joe, here's the funny part: It seems he's sort of subconciously admitting to the Natalee Holloway murder.

Well, they think that because when everyone got together for the start of the walkthrough, van der Sloot showed up in scuba gear.

And finally -

Man, can't you guys pretend to like the monologue?

Anyway, Paris Hilton will be teaming up with the cast of Jersey Shore, which spares me the usual necessity of a punch line.

We've got a hell of a show tonight! bkev is (kind of) here! Leo Kottke is basically here! And you know these guys are here - Joe McCarthy and the Accusers! Guys, let 'em have it!

I hate to admit it, Joe, but I'm a bit of a perfectionist. I get irritated with people and their little quirks sometimes. Even friends. Here's a good example of what I'm talking about - and it involves parmesan cheese.

So I go along with a friend to pick up his pizza the other day and the counter guy asks him, "Do you want some parmesan cheese for that?" For some reason, he says "No". He declined, I kid you not. Let's recap, shall we? He's got a extra large, pan-crust, four-cheese with no toppings, cheese-infused crust pizza; a pizza is chock full of cheese - he's probably going to get four or five days worth of dairy servings out of one slice. And yet he turns down the parmesan. WHY? WHAT'S THE POINT? WAS THERE ONE SINGLE BENEFIT TO TURNING DOWN THE PARMESAN CHEESE?! DID HE STRETCH OUT HIS LIFESPAN EVEN A LITTLE BY DOING THIS??

Kind of reminds me of those salad bars that have shredded cheese, bacon chunks, and pepperoni slices. I mean, if you're getting that stuff on your salad, you might as well toss out the lettuce and tomato and use biscuit gravy in place of dressing.

Nobody defiles the cover of Pet Sounds.  Not even for the sake of a

. 

RAGE!