Yea it jumped to much for me, I mean how did 3P0 and R2 get into the Crawler? and is the spacing supposed to be that far apart in the crawl between some of the words? it seemed pretty well done so far, but not sure I would enjoy a full movie like that, not if it jumps that much.
To be fair, I really don't think I fully understand what you are trying to do here, I showed the clip to my 9 year old and he to could not figure out what was going on LOL.